Sunday, September 18, 2005

Jamaica – 30 Aug 2005 - What I learned at Hedo

First thing – Hair is bad.

No one wants to see hair. People who go naked trim or cut the hair that is not normally seen. Do you have to? No. But since most do, you probably want to if you want to fit in.

Second thing – I love my wife.

I love her a lot. More than I thought I did. Why do I say this? Before I tell you, I bit of background.

I am the kind of person who tends to question everything. This includes the love in our relationship. Some might say this is a bad thing, but before you judge, listen to my reasons. First of all, I don’t believe love is some magical, mysterious thing that just happens. There is an element of that to it, but it is also needs work and attention. Why do people who love each other get divorced. And mark my words, 99.9% of those who get married never believe they will divorce. Yet 40+% of all marriages in North America end in divorce. I love my wife but I do not think we are so special as to be immune from the chance for divorce. By recognizing a problem you are half way towards solving it.

I believe that many of the people who get divorced sabotage their own relationships. For whatever reason, they decide that they no longer want to spend their life with that person, and work towards destroying the relationship. They not longer tell their wife they love her, they forget special days, they fail to do special things for each other, you get the picture. Doubt my theory? Just think about anyone you ever dated where it did not work out. The vast majority of us dislike confrontation and we fail to come out directly to the person we are seeing and say “I don’t like you, it’s over, don’t talk to me ever again.” Most dating relationship end when you stop calling her, or are always busy with the guys, or start dating her friend. Am I right? Perhaps there are people who tell those they are dating straight out its over, but most of us are cowards.

Anyway, the point is people sabotage their own relationships. There has to be a tipping point between love to and ending a relationship. My guess is that it happens when a couple fails to reinforce their feelings for each other. You might know your wife loves you, but it still makes you feel better when she tells you so. The little things are important. So my theory is that, as an example, people get busy with work, looking after the kids, etc and they fail to reinforce their love by doing those little things. At some point, one partner (or both) find they are not getting what they need for the relationship, so they go somewhere else. Infidelity, the end of trust and love equals the end of the marriage. Some people try to recapture that love and are successful.

From my perspective, I got married for life, for better or for worse, so the way I see it, I am stuck with my wife. If I make her life happy, she will make mind happy. And vice versa.

Anyway, this is certainly the long way round to get to my point. I was concerned about going to Hedo because of what it might do to our relationship. I am a very loyal partner and I have never cheated on anyone. However, I recognise that I have never really been tested. Part of that is do to the fact that I tend to avoid temptation, and Hedo has a reputation of willing partners, and, considering I have been away from the wife for a month (and I am feeling the effects), I was concerned the temptation might be too much. It was a little bit sad. Here I was at one of the wildest clubs in Jamaica, (definitely the wildest I have been to), with attractive, topless or nude women all around and all I could think about was how I missed my wife and wished she was with me. When I guy sees a beautiful women, he is not supposed to think about his wife. We have been programmed by biology to spread our seed. When I see a naked woman, all I am supposed to think about is impregnating her. Instead I am thinking about how I miss my wife.

I hope this just has something to do with the fact we are still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage. If not, I may not be able to look at another woman for the rest of my life.

The triumph of reason over biology.


I’m scared.

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