Monday, February 27, 2006

Radio Free Edmonton

In my quest to be the King of all media, a buddy and I have started up our own underground radio program.

Check it out and download our podcasts at Radio Free Edmonton.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Get thee to Hell, St. Valentine

The wife is away this week.

This means no need to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Not that I hate Valentine’s Day. I view it as any other man on this planet, with a sense of fear and slight loathing. When I was single, I dreaded Valentines Day. It was like a trap, set by society to destroy whatever relationship you happened to be in.

Here we have this day where men are forced to buy a present for whomever they are dating. Do I get her a present? If you don’t and she thinks you should have, it’s over. If you get her something, then what? Too cheap, its over. Too expensive, you are too serious, and it’s over. Get it just right and you win big. Unfortunately, men are not wired to be good at making those types of judgements, so the chance of winning big is stacked against us.

Valentines Day was part of the reason I got married. No more guesses, get her a token and you are good to go. If she is mad about you spending only $10 on flowers, some excuse about saving the money for a trip, or being broken after buying the big TV would usually suffice.

I am luckier than most, and this is why I recommend dating or even marrying the left wing types: They don’t believe in Valentines Day!

The wife considers it a conspiracy of the greeting card companies (I tend to agree). Lefties think everything is a conspiracy, so even if she doesn’t, drop a nice hint, such as “So, should we get something for each other for Valentines Day? I was going to, but the whole thing is a bit of a scam by the greeting card companies, don’t you think?”

When I decided to ask her to marry me, two things went through my head. I knew it would be difficult, as I have trouble dealing with the lefty conspiracy types, such as everyone’s favourite Robert McClelland. The lack of logic in their arguments makes my head hurt. I know I would have to put out with that sort of stuff for the rest of my life. On the other hand, lefty girls hate all the open my door and Valentines Day crap, and will do anything in the sack.

Don’t you believe it. The Wife says Valentines Day is a conspiracy, but watch her eyes light up when you get her something. Or watch the chance of you getting something fade if you don’t.

This Valentines Day she isn’t here, so problem solved.

Oh, and that stuff about doing anything in the sack. That’s crap.

Just like Valentines Day.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Shameful Joy

The Wife has been away on a business trip for a few days. Unfortunately, this means Orion has no one else to bother other than me. For some reason, every morning at 4 am, he wakes up and wants to play. Of course, no child or kitten can play without someone watching them. So we normally receive a 4 am wake up, not by alarm clock, but by a cat licking and nibbling on the face.

Actually, that is not completely honest. The Wife wakes up to a cat licking and nibbling. I wake up to a wife cursing and swearing. For some reason, he always does this to her, not me. Even though I do not like to be awakened at 4 am to cursing and swearing, I am experiencing a bit of Schadenfreude.

Before we got this cat, the other cats use to sleep on our bed. They always seemed to sleep on either side of my legs, and at 13 and 10 pounds it felt I was pinned to the bed. I would always be having weird dreams about aliens tying me down and probing me.

For a time, I tried to keep the cats out of the bedroom to stop the weird dreams and maybe improve the sex life. Since it is hard to make love with a cat constantly scratching and meowing at the bedroom door (and the wife is not interested in pleasuring the person who is putting her "children" in distress) I eventually gave up. Instead of alien probes, I tried those dream control techniques and imagine I was tied to the bed by some bikini team. That dream control stuff is bunk.

So I was experiencing a bit of pleasure taken from someone else's misfortune at the expense of the wife.

However, now that she is away, that cat has only one person to lick and nibble.

Seven more days and I can go back to my shameful joy.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Orion the Hunter is a Monster

The latest addition to the family, Orion, has been an annoying pain lately. The cat is starting to get smart. We don't let him outside, as it is cold, he still does not know his way around the property, and is so friendly that he would probably go up to a coyote and get eaten. I used to be able to distract him with a cat toy and throw it down the hall and exit the house before he realized I was leaving. Not anymore.

As well as meowing pitifully at the door when we are about to leave, I have to pick him up and throw him down the hall, closing the door as fast as possible so he cannot escape without slamming him in the doorway.

After a few years of two cats who saw humans as feed bowls, it takes a bit to get used to a cat that is more like a dog. He even fetches his toy mouse and brings it to be thrown, over and over.

The wife is getting pissed at Orion. He gets up each moring at about 4 am to lick and bite her face. When that fails to get her up, he sleeps on her neck, in what appears to be an attempt to smother her. He never does this to me. I think he may be jelous of her, due to the fact that if she gets up to shower, he then settles down on her side of the bed to nap with me.

She has started to refer to him as "your cat" and complain loudly when "your cat" does something bad, like try to climb her like a tree just after exiting the shower.

That was supposed to be my job.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I have a shiny new toy

Bought the TV.

Man, is it nice. 32 inch Sony LCD XBR. I watched the Superbowl in High Def. Everything looks better. Non high def looks about twice as good, but the difference is most noticable when watching an HD channel.

The wife did not give me a hard time about it. She probably watches more TV than I. All the cracks about me wasting money are just that, cracks to try and get my goat. She knows it works, because I get the most worked up when people accuse me of something that is obviously not true.

In other news, the wife lost her wedding ring this weekend.

Isn't there a rule that if you lose your ring within the first year the wedding is null and void?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Post election at the Ranch

The wife and I voted first thing in the morning on election day, on the way to work. She had received her voter registration card, I had not. As we moved only 6 months ago, all of our info was incorrect, and she called them to change it. She says she told them ot change my information as well as hers. For some reason mine did not get sorted out, but hers did, even though she says she changed them as the same time. A bit suspicious, eh?

Not to worry, I was able to vote and thereby cancel her vote. Which is the same reason she said she was voting.

I need not have bothered. In our riding, Vergreville-Wainwright, the CPC candidate won by a landslide. (For election results try here.)

CPC Candidate, Leon Benoit, won with 74.2% of the vote (37,854 votes). The next closest candidate was the NDP at 9.2% (4,727 votes)

It is interesting to look at the third and fourth place:

Liberal 7.6% (3,873)
Green 7.5% (3,822)

Is this a reflection of how far the Liberals have fallen in Alberta when they can just barely beat the Greens?

The Liberal president of this riding must be going some real soul searching.