I am an Insensitive Jerk

This incident took place because of the cat.

The cat is old. He is at least fourteen, maybe older. The Wife rescued him when he was five, so she has had him for a long time. Lately he has been going downhill. In the last few months he has been snorting and snuffling around, as if he has trouble breathing. He is sleeping more than normal. He has little interest in his toys. And the big sign is his lack of appetite. This is a cat who would almost trip me getting to his bowl at feeding time. In the last 3 months, he has lost about 2 pounds. This is a lot for a 12 pound cat. Anyway, we have long suspected something was wrong. The Wife has been using the internet and came up with a bunch of possible problems, one of them being cancer.

As I have said, the cat is old. We have discussed what to do about him. My feeling is that, as long as he is not in too much pain, we should let him live out his natural life. His quality of life is still good, as far as I can tell. He gets 4 meals a day, almost daily brushing by me, he sleeps almost wherever he wants, can leave the house to sit in the sun or smell stuff, sounds like a perfect cat life. I do not want to put him down. Let him enjoy that for the few months or maybe years he has left. Although he was initially a pain in the ass when we started dating, I feel that he is now one of the family and is entitled to live out his life. However, there is a limit to what we will to for him. The Wife and I have discussed this numerous times and we both agree. A friend of hers had a dog that had cancer. This dog went to cancer specialists and had treatment. When that didn't work, the dog even saw people who specialized in "alternate cancer therapy". These are the ones that give you herbs, wave a magic wand, say prayers, that kind of stuff. Of course, none of this worked and the dog died. Just to give you more of an idea of how far a pet owner can go, the dog was cremated and his ashes sit in a prominent place in the living room beside his picture. We will not go that far. What is the point of spending hundred or thousands of dollars to put the cat through all sorts of pain, discomfort and stress which, at best, may extend his life for a few months, and at worst, make those extra few months a living hell. So we decided, no invasive procedures.

I thought this was very clear. We had spoken about it a few times, we both agreed.

During the visit the cat was weighed, poked, squeezed, had an rectal exam and had blood taken from his neck. I wonder how something very old, possessing the emotional maturity of a 2 year old child in a situation with little control and lacking the ability to fathom what is going on will react? As expected, the cat freaked out. He got so stressed he was panting. The vet stopped trying to examine him as he thought the cat might die of a heart attack (not good for business). At this point we had spent $225 and still did not have x-rays (another $200). The vet could not find anything wrong. Blood tests were negative. With the cat being stressed, the fact we figure he is not long for this world, having no desire to make his life more unpleasant that required, I spoke to the vet. In my crude way, I tried to question the requirement for x-rays. I was not keen to spend another $200 to find nothing. Even if we did find something (say cancer, tumor, etc) we had already decided that we would not get some big operation, so what was the point?

Wrong question. The Wife gets very upset and starts to cry. Now, if you know the wife, you know she is not one to show her emotions very often. Part of what attracted me to her was the fact that she was less emotional and sentimental than the stereotypical woman. She was practical. She did not want a $7,000 engagement ring. She doesn't expect me to romance her all the time. This has, on occasion, backfired on me. When I try to do something nice, like buy her jewelry, she is not as impressed as I would like.

Back to the story. The Wife is crying and is obviously upset. Since she doesn't get that upset very often, I start to get concerned. Since we are discussing something we have agreed upon in the past, (i.e. how we are going to deal with the cat) it can't be about that. The vet leaves and I try to comfort my wife asking her why she is upset. Her reply gives us the title to this post "Because you are an insensitive jerk".

Of course, I do not understand. Further attempts to explain myself only make it worse. I must accept the fact that I am an Insensitive Jerk.

It is a long, quiet ride home.

In addition to being an Insensitive Jerk, I must take the cat back to the vet for the x-ray, which will probably show nothing. Also, the wife is concerned that the vet's feelings might be hurt, as she thinks the vet may mistakenly think that she was crying because he could not do/find anything wrong with the cat. I must explain to him that she was not upset because of that, but because I am an Insensitive Jerk.

The cat and I leave in a few hours. I can't wait.

Update 29 June:

Guess what, the x-rays found.....nothing. However, the blood tests were not ok, he has high levels of potash and sodium in his blood, whatever that means. I guess less salt on his fish and chips....

The vet wants him in early tomorrow so they can look at him again.

Money spent on cat "health care" in the last 12 months:

Sept 2004 - $800
Jun 2005 - - $365 (plus whatever they add on tomorrow)