Saturday, March 12, 2005

"They're fighting in the car again."

Now, don't get me wrong, I love the Gf.

When we met, the first thing to come out of her mouth was a Simpson's quote. I was hooked right then.

Before we met, I had some trouble connecting with woman. I love to argue and can be aggressive when making my point. The Gf is the first woman who can stand that quality about me. Not to brag, but I like to think I am smart. Not book type, 200 IQ smart, but I like to think I can recognize a logical position and reason out an argument. Not very tech minded though.

The Gf is the first woman I have met who is like me in this respect. Most women are either not smart enough to reason through an argument, or don't care enough about the argument. Most of the ones I met who do, are humourless.

I don't know if I was made for her, but she was definitely made for me. No one else has been able to stand me for this long.

However, at times she can really piss me off. Inevitably, this always happens when she falls back on what I call the Moonbat Debating Rules. Anyone who has visited the Democratic Underground has seen these in action. They generally follow these rule:

1. Make the most outrageous statement you can think of
2. Insult your opponent
3. Cover up any lack of evidence with wild conspiracy theories

Example: Bush=Hitler, you are a racist, the war was only about oil for Haliburton

I am used to her using these rules when we talk politics, but we she starts using the rules on me, I lose it.

Lately we have been fighting about money. We are looking at purchasing a business from a friend. It is a home business, so it would include buying their home and moving just outside the city. All these things we have discussed and it is something we both want to do. However, I am concerned that the price is too much, and the fact that it is a package deal (home + business) makes it difficult to sell in 10 years when we will want to move on. In addition, the house is missing some features that, although I can get by without them, will effect our ability to resell it and thereby make my exit strategy more difficult.

So, I have been the one dealing with this. I have visited the lawyers, real estate agents, banks, talked to friends who know something about business, dealt with the seller, etc.

I was in favour of the idea in principle, else I would not have started looking into it. However, after some research, I am not as convinced it is a good deal based on the price he wants and my ability to execute the exit strategy.

She says I am lazy and I never follow anything through.

Any big decision, I take my time. It took me 6 months to buy this computer. I never rush into these things, and this decision is big. We are talking about taking on debt load of 5 times the value of our present house. This is not something you rush into. If this doesn't work, it could wipe out all the financial gains I have made over the last 8 years.

I don't mind her disagreeing, I want to discuss it with her. We are a team. But when she starts saying I am lazy, and never follow anything through because more research makes me think the deal is not as good as we thought, that is below the belt.

So, I put a poll up in the sidebar. Vote and tell me what you think.

Update: The Gf put up a rebuttal in the comments. It's only fair to read here points before you vote.

7 comments:

The Monger said...

Hey MB, I just voted in your poll (choosing the obviously right answer) and I was the first vote. Which means you're not even voting in your own poll. Which is a BIG mistake. You've got to have the courage of your own convictions! Plus you can bet the gf will vote if and when she visits this site. You've got to beat her to the punch.

Oh, as an aside, you're going to lose this argument over the home/business. It's inevitable. Logic can't defeat tenacity.

Anonymous said...

from the GF :
first, I hate to argue. He knows it, yet he tries to bait me constantly. This was in fact the origins of this blog, where he can pretend to win arguements.
second, it is true that he does not follow through and requires constant nagging. Loyal readers will remember that he missed the deadline for applying for school by several months, neglected to notice his passport had expired a month before our big wedding trip, and numerous other daily smaller examples I am too frustrated to document (although I strive to bring them to his constant attention).
The day in question involved his attempt at determining the market value of the property we are interested in. I get home from work and he is bursting to tell me about all the other better properties we should buy instead. "Oh, and I bought these magic beans with our downpayment". To be fair he did obtain the estimated market value but the point of this latest endeavour was to purchase a home based business we can take turns running while living in the relative quiet. He is suddenly interested in buying properties we couldn't possibly afford, which would entail me to stay at my job longer than planned, triple my commute time and push back any plans for children. Needless to say I was annoyed at his lack of focus (he calls it 'vision').
In the end it was established that he would see this home based business idea through (either we took it or we walked away) BEFORE he started getting excited about something else.
Other abandoned ideas to date :
- new hardwood floors
- gym membership (which he would use daily)
- new vehicle
- fix property for resale
- return to school
- find job
- take writing classes etc
Any mention of the above items results in a glazed look and a lacklustre 'oh yeah' response.

I'm tired of being the adult.

MB said...

Ok, I agree I am not perfect and that I make mistakes.

As for the abandoned ideas to date list:

-no point in putting in hardwood floors if we are going to sell. Also, cost of hardwood floors=cost of vacation. It was one or the other. Guess which one she would prefer.
-I go to the gym. Maybe not daily, but sometimes
-new vehicle is too expensive and not needed at this time.
-fixing the place up is ongoing. I bought some paint last week
-I am done with school and getting a job for now, until we see how this thing turns out.
-my writing classes are this blog, and its free!

The real problem is her lack of mental flexibility and her failure to react to changing situations.

Adapt or die!

Monger: I am saving my vote to cast in case I need it to break a tie. One should always keep a reserve.

Anonymous said...

smooth, honey. If you avoid doing a chore long enough (ie hardwood floors, not going to school, not finding a job) a convenient excuse will inevitably come along.

Babbling Brooks said...

MB, you need to let the GF blog here with you. The 'he said, he said' routine needs to morph into a 'he said, she said' number.

From the looks of it, it would boost traffic: she's funnier than you are.

*ducking and running for cover!*

Anonymous said...

If you two are going to share your life together, I'm pretty sure it's not a good idea to argue about these things in public.

Anonymous said...

Your GF has a point, it is easy to shrug off things, when you are really busy and it just doesn't happen, but when you have more time than most people would dream of it does start looking like pure laziness.

At the same time, a big purchase should demand some more restraint to make sure you do it right. Due diligence, when buying a business, is not a joke. and if the seller is outpricing the market you may be better off passing on the offer.

Just think of how more viable Air Canada would have been if they didn't have to buy Canadian Airlines. Taking on all the debt, employees and planes was foolish.