The Challanges of being a Stay-At-Home Dad

Let me be completely honest. I didn't think taking care of the kids would be very hard. Cooking, washing clothes, etc, it's not that difficult. My opinion hasn't changed. What has changed is my appreciation of the mental aspects. I had no idea my sanity would be taxed this much. I wanted to have kids, and found, for the most part, I enjoyed dealing with them. I helped teach taekwondo for a few years, so had some small measure of an idea what they were like.

I am still able to deal with my daughters in a way I am happy with, the problem comes when I get frustrated, angry, etc. This, I think, is when most parents act or deal with their children in a way that they are not proud of. We are all human, we all make mistakes The key is reducing those moments to the smallest number possible.

The main mental challenge I face is the isolation. Two year old conversation consists mostly of "Don't do that", or "Put that down!"interspaced with "Why are you crying?", "Tell Daddy what you want", and "Use you words".

In order to keep from going insane, you have to get out. Unfortunately, a few things conspire to make this difficult. Firstly, I am a bit of a home body. I like to stay at home, in my sanctuary. Having two the same age also makes it more difficult, as well as Jocelyn's situation.

But the last thing is the most difficult. People can claim otherwise, but the only reason any parent takes the kids anywhere is to talk to other adults and have an adult conversation. The kids don't really care. My daughter will find a cardboard box or a rock as interesting as a trip, so why go through all the trouble of getting them dressed, getting diapers, toys, wipes, food, etc together just to go somewhere when they would be just as happy at home?

It's for the parents.

That is where being a man is a problem. In this area of Alberta anyway, being a stay at home dad is still a bit of a novelty. Based on my own observations, 99.9% of all stay at home parents are women. When the Wife was pregnant, she came across a stay at home mom group advertising at the local mall. She asked if her husband could join, as he was going to stay home with the kids. They laughed. They were tripping over themselves once they saw she was serious, but, even with all the crap about equality over the past 20 years, it did not occur to them that she might be serious.

So how to join one of these groups? Although I am sure I would be outwardly welcomed, (politically correctness and all that) I feel a bit uncomfortable. It is always all women except me, and I feel like an outsider. I feel like the only guy at the slumber party and I am somehow inhibiting these people from being themselves. I understand that, as any group of guys is not the same when there are women in the group. Besides, they want to talk about women things, which I am not very interested in. The only thing we share in common is raising kids, and that is the last thing I want to talk about. The only solution is some sort of Dad group.

As you can imagine, in our area there are plenty of mom groups around. Dads, not so much. Stay at home dads are somewhat like sightings of Bigfoot or the Lock Ness Monster. When people find out I look after the kids, they often say they know a friend of a friend of a friend who stays at home with their kids. However, no one knows their names or has ever met them. So far, I have heard of two other men in our town looking after kids, and both of these had all the detail and credibility of a Bigfoot sighting.

If there are any guys in the Edmonton area wanting to prevent kid-induced insanity, drop me a line.

Another First

Yesterday, Katherine caused her first serious injury to herself.

I was in our living room and she was roaming. She moved into our bedroom and found some metal clothes hangers that were on the floor. Of course, everything goes into her mouth and she used the cut end to open a gash on the inside of her cheek.

I pieced this together after the fact. The first I knew of it was a loud scream and great gobs of blood in her mouth, over her clothes and on the floor.

Nothing too serious, and no trip to the hospital was required, but I have now experienced what it is like to hear a scream of distress from your child and come to find lots of blood from and unknown source.

Gone Swimming

Today was the start of extra activities with the twins. We went swimming at our local community rec center. At their age, swimming class consists of splashing, kicking and floating (with help). Katherine really enjoyed it, only becoming upset when I did not let her go off on her own. Jocelyn cannot participate at the same level as Katherine, but she did not cry and seemed to enjoy the water.

Unfortunately, every activity in the pool is done with a song, which is the usual repetitive jingles of children's songs. Fortunately there are no other fathers in the group and none of my Army buddies are there to see me. My own view of my manhood takes a bit of a hit when I am singing songs that start with "The frog says.."

There are some hot moms out there. I am going to have to start working out again.

P.S. Thanks to our friends and neighbours for helping me with the girls.

Home Alone: Day 5

The Wife comes home tomorrow.

Yesterday and today went very well. I think I have a hang of this Mr Mom stuff. In fact, I got the kitchen clean for the first time in a year.

It is easy to keep things in proper order when you are by yourself. When the Wife is here, she usually makes dinner. Unfortunately, she thinks that making dinner means that just about every pot, pan dish or utensil must be used. And she leaves them all piled up in the sink for me to deal with. I prefer to clean as I go, to keep my workspace in good order and minimize the mountain of dishes at the end.

I have a good feeling that I can handle when she gets back to work. I like to be organized, and the house is still disorganized from when we moved two years ago. I have been deferring to her when it comes to the house, but it's time for me to embrace the housewife job fully.

There's a new sheriff in town.

Home Alone: Day 4

Things are going well.

Thursday was horrible, as Katherine was in a mood and would not stop going to her sister to play with her. We are trying not to discourage her from interacting with Jocelyn, but it is hard when playing consist of steamrolling over her or lying on her face.

Other than that, I have not left the house since the Wife left. The weather has been poor, constant rain or very cloudy, so I have not been able to put Katherine in her pool. Today looks better, with more sun. We are all going out no matter what. I don't care if it is to buy toilet paper, but I am getting out of this house before I go squirrelly.

Home Alone: The Wife is Gone

Well, the wife finally left me.

No, you don’t get to collect on the pool. She left for a 5 day trip with a group she belongs to, so I am here, alone with the babies. I consider this a test for when she goes back to work at the end of the month. I just got back from two weeks away and she survived, so how hard could it be?

She left me with only one rule to follow. Well, actually, she left me with about a million small rules. Everything from who wears what, when who gets to eat what, to what shampoo to use between the hours to 3 and 5 am on days ending in Y. (I exaggerate on the last one, but only just.) Anyway, being a man, I mostly tuned it all out. Being a military man, I prefer my instructions simple and to the point. So I distilled the millions of little pieces of advice into one overall point, or, as we like to call it, mission:

Keep the babies alive until I return.

Piece of cake.