Hosptial Update

J is doing well.


The breathing tube came out a few days ago and a bunch more lines came out yesterday. Right now she only has her feeding attached (which she would have at home anyway) and a breathing mask which forces air into her lungs to keep them inflated (called bipap (sp?))


I am not sure she even needs that. She looks back to her normal self. In fact, she has for at least the last five days. They are still very cautious and are saying that it will probably be another 7-10 days. That seems way too long to me. I have already put them on notice that I think she is good now. I will give them over the weekend to see how she does and then really start to push it.

Wisdom of a Four Year Old - Spelling

K (singing): I love to spell! S-B-E-L-L!

Nature vs ?

I find the different ways that boys and girls act to be interesting. Before 5 years old, boys and girls are not supposed to really understand their differences. Anyone who is a parent knows that is crap and the boys and girls are different right from the start.

I was recently the volunteer at K's Kindergarten class. It was library day, so everyone had to line up and walk to the library behind the teacher. I followed behind to prevent any escapes. One of the rules is that the kids have to walk with their hands behind their back. I think this is to prevent them from pushing, poking or hitting each other as they walk down the hall. It is quite a ways from their classroom to the library  and due to their short attention spans, the line ends up snaking all through the school. The teacher cannot watch them all. You wouldn't think 15 five year old kids would need 75 yards of space, but they do.

Just before we leave the class they are reminded that they are to walk with their hands behind their backs. We start to walk and I decide to take a little poll to see how many are following directions. There are nine girls and six boys in the class. Eight of nine girls have their hands behind their backs. Not one boy has his hands behind his back. While the girls are clustered together and following close behind each other, the boys are all over the place, swinging their arms, looking around, goofing off and causing the line to take up so much real estate.

Boys and girls are not the same and no amount of nurture will make it so.

Wisdom of a Four Year Old - Boys and Girls

K: Daddy, I want you to stop doing boy things to me.

Me: What boy things?

K: Pinching me, poking me, saying "stinky" all the time...

Me: Why?

K: Girls things should only be done to girls and boy things to boys. If you do boy things to girls they will turn into a boy.

Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

J has been in the hospital for over a week now.

Overall, she is doing much better. She is off the morphine, the blood pressure drugs and her 10 day antibiotic series ends tomorrow.

She is still has the breathing tube in. They hoped to remove it as early as last Wednesday, but she is not ready. The way they do it is to slowly lower the amount of pressure it is putting into her lungs. As they lower the pressure at some point she has a bit of trouble breathing, forcing them to raise it up. However, each time the new standard seems to be lower, so we are making slow progress. The problem is her left lung. Due to her curved spine, her left lung is squished in her body and this is where the pneumonia always starts. Every day they seem hopeful that they might be able to remove the tube in 2 days, but every night she seems to have trouble with the lower level of pressure, forcing them to raise it again. But we are getting closer. The pressure level is a lot lower then when she first came in.

I am hopeful that it may be removed soon, but I have learned to take their predictions with a grain of salt.

As of Friday, they have confirmed that she has another bug, this one quite nasty and tough. She may have caught it in the hospital. Fortunately, it has not advanced far (not like the last one), so it may not take as long to kill. They recently upped the dosage of the antibiotic, so that seems a bit of a concern to me.

More updates as they come.

Wisdom of a Four Year Old - Rewards

Context: As part of potty training, we used to give K candy for successfully using the toilet.

K: Can I have another lollipop.... it was a really long poop!

Back to the Hospital

J is in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit of the Stollery.

We had to call an Ambulance for her last night around supper time.

She has been sick for the last few days. She is at high risk for pneumonia. Because she doesn't move much a cold can quickly become pneumonia. Most children in her situation get pneumonia and die, eventually. I expect that one of these times, she will not be able to recover.

She seemd to be ok on Friday. We have a caregiver come in once a week, on Friday. She had a daughter in J's situation, so when she is sick I always get her as a second opinion. We were both concerned, but she did some physical therapy we do in these situations and she seemed better throughout the day.

Several time I have taken J in to the doctor concerned that she might have pneumonia, only to have her be ok. Other times we waited too long and had to go to the hospital. This was one of the latter times. Yesterday she was coughing a bit and sleeping more than usual but I thought this just might be due to the cold and her body trying to get over it. I checked her again later and she was very pale. I picked up her arms and they dropped to her sides like a dead fish. Her breathing was very shallow. I knew this was not normal and more than just "cold" sick.

They sent us the paramedics and had to send the ambulance from Tofield as all the others were on calls. After putting in a breathing tube, we took the ride to the Stollery, siren screaming, the full meal deal. Thanks to everyone on Whyte Ave who moved quickly out of our way.

She seemed to be stable throughout the ride but as we arrived at the hospital, her heart rate dropped dangerously. As we started moving through the emergency ward, the paramedic monitoring her vitals announces "Heart rate dropping, 50. We have to move, now." Since her heart rate was around 120 at home when they were working on her, that is quite low. We start running through the ward with him calling out progressively lower numbers. "Forty-five. Forty. Now thirty-five. Thirty." I thought her heart was going to stop right there. They got her in and started working on her.

I have been the "Concered Parent" a number of times now, and I always find it interesting how the medical people deal with me. Not that they don't like the family/parents, but you know that parents can be add complications to their job. They are doing things that may not look nice to your child and you can see how a hysterical parent can be distracting. I find it interesting how they offer to get you to sit down (always in a corner where it is harder to see), and ask you all this background information such as name, date of birth, Alberta Health Card number (J spent a month in this hospital when she was born, what with computers I am sure they have all this stuff). The one thing they do ask which I like to answer is about her condition, is she usually this pale, what other hospital stays, etc. This information is useful, might help them and it does serve to distract me.

They got her stabilized and up to the PICU. The wife and K came to pick me up and we left at about 11 pm last night. I am about to leave to spend some time with her. We called this morning and she is stable although the nurse told me that her heart rate is down a bit. They think this is due to all the drugs they have running through her system. They are taking her off some of these slowly, so things should go up.

Thanks to all the doctors, nurses and EMT's who helped my daughter last night.

Wisdom of a Four Year Old - Growing Up

K: Mommy, what will I be when I grow up?

Mommy: Anything you want, Sweetheart.

K: OK. Then I will be a Grasshopper.

Wisdom of a Four Year Old - Reality

I am going to start a weekly feature here at MLWGF called wisdom of a Four Year Old.

K has said a number of things that are funny or profound. I will post a new one every Friday and include some context if necessary.

Wisdom of a Four Year Old - Reality

K: Daddy, how do I know that when I wake up I am not still in a dream?"

Me: "I don't know."

You Don't Win Friends With Salad

The wife and I are fans of The Simpsons (the older seasons, when they were cutting edge, not the crap they put out now). Without The Simpsons, we might not have every been married, but that is another story.

About a year ago, we were watching the Lisa the Vegetarian episode, most famous for the above clip. Lately, I have been going a bit crazy and have started to sing all sorts of weird songs when driving with the kids in the car. Mostly jingles, kids TV songs, or nonsense, made up on the spot songs. K recently picked up on this habit and, out of the blue, started singing "You don't win friends with salad" while we were driving in the car. I, of course, joined in.

After a few minutes of this, I realized this may not be such a good thing. Four year olds tend to say the things they have learned at inopportune times. I could see her telling some adult "you don't win friends with salad" during a meal at their home. Also, I thought she may get the idea that friends are something you are supposed to gain by giving them somethings. So I decided that I best explain that this song was a joke and how you should make friends.

Her reply: "But Daddy, you should be friends with everyone, even salad."

Best Book Ever

This book encapsulates what every parent feels at one time or another about bedtime.

Kneel Before the Power of the Fire Sharks

K's soccer team, the Fire Sharks, are crushing the opposition.

There are a few boys on the team that are a bit older than the average and have played before. Once they get the ball, they simply dribble down the field and kick it in the net. We try to keep it even by manipulating the lines. It got so bad that, during a game last week, the other coach asked me if I could do something so her kids didn't get discouraged, such as asking our team to ease off. I am not a big fan of telling kids to do less than their best.However, these kids are 4-5 years old, and the good players are very competitive. I knew that that would not work. We had to put all the girls on a line to allow the other team to score and keep it a bit even.

The most interesting thing is the difference in style of play between the genders. The boys are all aggressive and go it there kicking, even giving the elbow or a little push to jockey for the ball. K will go to the ball, but half the time she stops when she gets to it, as if to say "No, you take it this time." Other times she just runs after the pack, laughing to herself, not even paying attention to what is going on.

I guess my dream of her playing on Canada's first female FIFA world cup winning team is dead.

Surprise Brithday for the Wife

This month the wife turned 40.

I decided to throw a surprise party for her. Actually, I have been planning it for over a year and was going to do it last year.

The wife is very suspicious. Any change in routine sets off her spider sense. Once that is going, she starts paying attention to other things and builds up to figuring what you are up to. As an example, if she is on the couch watching TV I might ask her if she wants something to drink. Her reply will most often be, "Yes, but you are not getting any tonight." I, of course, reply with righteous indignation. However, she would be correct as to my motives.

Suffice it to say, for a variety of reasons, she is very attuned to any changes in behaviour or activity. You can see that presented real challenges to pulling off a surprise party.

I thought about doing the surprise for her 39th, but that seemed sort of lame. So I started the planning last year. The party itself was very easy, BBQ in the backyard and invite all her friends. The hard part was keeping it secret.

To pull off the surprise I used a combination of secrecy and misdirection.

The first part was to say nothing to K. I forbid those who were helping me from saying the P word (party) in her presence. We had a family only party before the surprise party, and K gave away some of that. The wife even asked K some questions, trying to get information out of her. Luckily, K did not know anything and 4 year-olds have a problem with linear time. The wife told me later that when she hit up K for info, she said something about a party, but started giving her info about the family party, as if it was still to happen.

To help keep the surprise, all communication was done by email. I forbid anyone from calling me on the phone. Our phone saves all received calls, so I started deleting those on a regular basis, a few months prior, to build up a pattern. During the day as I surf the web, I usually keep my browser open and she often uses my login to surf when she comes home. I was sure I would forget and she would see my hotmail open with "Re: Surprise 40th birthday party" on an email header. I had to password protect my login. I thought this might be enough to set her on the trail, but I had a few things going for me. I had kept a password on my login before, and, just before I was going to put up the password, K got onto the laptop and closed all my tabs on a bunch of stuff I was reading. I made a big deal about this and then put on the password.

The misdirection was the most important part of the plan. She put on a surprise for my 40th, so no matter what, she was going to expect me to do the same. My plan was twofold. Have a family, low key party and rely on my reputation as a lazy, insensitive husband.

Her actual birthday was a week before the surprise. She had asked me to go to a dance with her the night before. She is always appreciative when I attend these functions, so that, plus a spa day I gave her (the thing to get her out of the house on the day) should be enough as a present. I got a friend of hers to go with her (to keep her under control), but even that raised suspicion. I had to coordinate with her to ensure we had our story straight, as the wife was sure to ask her. The story was I happened to bump into this friend and had mentioned to her that I had got the wife a spa day. The friend had then said that she had been wanting to go to a spa and would go with her. Again, as luck would have it, I actually bumped into her friend before this was to happen (although the story was already coordinated by email). One cannot just mention this to the wife. If you just start to tell her stuff, she will get suspicious as to why you are giving out this information. Luckily, I had K with me. One of my routines is to have K tell mommy what we did today. This was a great opportunity to get the information out that we had seen this friend and set up the plausible reason as to why she was going with the wife.

A funny bit to this saga, the friend who was to take her to the spa invited her for one of these Tupperware type parties (but it is not Tupperware, its something else that I cannot remember). The wife thought that this might be the surprise. She must have been so disappointed going into the party.

In conclusion, the surprise was a success. I think the wife is a bit upset that she was not able to figure it out. She prides herself on detecting these things. When I asked her if she was surprised, she played it down a bit, but I know I got her. She just doesn't want to admit it.

Future surprise notes: One may not wish to use a spa day where they get a deep tissue massage, to keep the surprisee away from the party. They tend to look tired and underwhelmed. Not the best way to act when you have 20+ people at your house.

Not A Good Dad

I don't like the kind of father I am turning out to be.

K asks a lot of questions, makes a lot of demands and statements, as any four year old will do. I seem to get exasperated with her very easily. When I am doing something I tend to focus on it to the exclusion of everything else and any disruption or interruption is unwelcome. It forces me to change my focus. It is never a problem with adults, but K will fire off a constant stream of statements, usually when I am having difficulty dealing with her sister. I cannot keep the exasperation out of my voice when I answer " Yes, K".

I find that adults tends to think kids understand less than they do. K is smart, I think she already knows that her dad's answer really means that he does not want to talk to her right now. That is not how I want my relationship with my daughter to be.

J is sick, she has a viral infection. Infections and colds are dangerous for her. Because she cannot move around, the usual was of clearing ones lungs are difficult. Most children in her situation die of pneumonia or something related to it.

When she is sick I get worried and stressed. Last night I was holding her for 30 minutes while her body spasmed with coughing, as we tried to get the stuff out of her lungs. During these times, my worry is at its peak, as I deal with the feelings of helplessness, guilt for not doing enough and the what ifs. Of course, it is during this time that K will come up to me and demand juice or tell me that Santa's elves are very talented. Wrapped up in my own worry and doubt, I cannot keep the exasperation out of my voice.

I am pushing her away with my tone. Someday soon she will realize it, if she has not already.

How can I change these feelings? Will I lose both of my children, one to early death, the other to her father's rudeness?

Introducing the Fire Sharks

We signed up K, who is now 4 years old, for soccer this year with the local association. I got wrangled into being the coach. I played soccer up until University and am familiar with the game. take anyone's job I signed up to be an assistant coach. soon after they called me up desprately asking me to be the head coach. At the U6 level, the coach is really the guy who brings the equipment and collects the jersey security cheques from the parents.

However, one of the key things you have to do is pick a team name. The association sets your team name like NASCAR, so everyone is Team (last name of the coach). It's not like I paid for the team, so I don't think naming it after me is appropriate. I decided we would let the kids decide, so before our second game we had a vote.

Due to me being the last one to pick up our jerseys, we got silver as our colour. I liked the name the Silverbacks, but another good suggestion from one of the players was the sharks. Unfortunately, by the second game he had entirely forgotten about his suggestion and wanted to be called the fire hawks.

We put it up to a vote, and, of course, my attempt to dodge any responsibility for the name failed as three voted for fire hawks and three for sharks.

Coaches command decision: Fire Sharks.

Adventures in Beekeeping - Prelude

We have decided to take up Beekeeping as a hobby.

When we moved out of the city, part of our reasoning was to have a bit of a hobby farm. We wanted to have a dog but I don't beleive in having one unless you have lots of room. Also, being more independent, living off the grid, all those things appealed to me. So anything that helps prepare for the Zombie Apocalyse is of interest to me.

Why Bees? Unfortunately, the left wing wife is a bit squemish when it comes to the harvesting part of farming. I am no expert (we both grew up in the suburbs), but the point rasing your own food is to eat it. The wife wants to have all kinds of animals but she refuses to eat them. I am not having a herd of cows or sheep just to watch them die of old age. That is a pretty expensive (and tasty) herd of pets. We are not so rich that we can afford to feed all these animals and not get anything back. We already have two children, I am not adding more unproductive animals to the mix.

So why bees? They are a compromise. They are relativley cheap (I spent less than $500 for everything needed to get started) and it is not such a big deal if I screw up and kill them all. They need some care, but not as much as many animals, and if you neglect them the most likely result is no honey, as opposed to a stinking cow carcass.

And if we get our place designated as a hobby farm, I can cut my property taxes by half.

Posting Again

I am going to start posting again. Things have been busy around here. With the kids growing up and various new hobbies we are pursuing, there might be stuff worth posting.

This blog will focus on the following (in no particular order):

Deal with the left wing wife
Dealing with the kids
Taking care of a severely handicapped child
Country life around our 20 acres
Beekeeping (just started it yesterday)
Politics

So expect a wide variety of stuff with a focus on the lighter side.

If anything I post interests or informs you, great. If not, too bad.

It really is more about me, not you.

Thank you Al Gore

Here is a picture taken of my back yard on Friday.

Global Warming my ass!

Normally, there is so little rainfall in our part of Alberta, I can go much of the summer without having to cut the grass. Spring is the time I have to do most of the cutting, and this spring has been very wet. I consider spring begun when I have to do my first cutting.

K did get one last chance to build a snowman. The snow was think and easy rolling. I had cut the grass twice before this snowfall. With the two cuttings, there was a lot of mulch on the lawn.

She named the snowman "Grassy".

Irony thy name is The Laugh Shop

The wife had her birthday on Friday, so I took her out for Indian food and to a local comedy club called The Laugh Shop.

Now, I have been to comedy clubs before. I wanted a seat not too far in the back so we could see, but not too close to the front, so as not to be in the firing line. Guess where they put us? The club is very small, so our table was to one side, practically on the stage. The light was shining in my eyes and it felt like we were on stage with the guy. There was another table beside us, in the same situation, however, those people did not show up. On the other side of the stage there was a large party so their tables were pushed together, out of the light. Even the front row, directly in front, was less obvious than us, as they were out of the light and much lower than the stage. Ironic.

I was the biggest target all night. To be fair, I offered us up when I volunteered that the wife was having a birthday. Of course, the guy focused on me instead.

His name was Mike and was from New York, and served as the opening act for the headliner. I actually thought he was funnier than the other guy.

After picking on some poor blue collar, already half in the bag already guy Trevor, he focused on me. His main thing was suggesting that I was "retarded", that I thought my family were pickles, and I was going to my house on the moon after the show. He called me "Pickle" all night and did the stereotypical mannerisms of a "retarded" person. The crowd thought it was funny. I, less so, seeing as I was the butt of the jokes.

As our daughter is severely mentally handicapped, the wife was not too impressed and was going to write about our situation on the back of the comment card. I stopped her. Some of you may know of a case brought up to a Human Rights Commission in B.C. where this comic made fun of some lesbians. Comedy can be hit and miss, but I would rather the guy be free to say what he wants. Writing on the comment card would do nothing, except perhaps for the owner to refuse some acts because they might offend. Being offended is a chance you take and I would rather take that chance than have censorship.

I did not get a chance to bring up the situation of our daughter. Too bad, I thought that would be really funny, in a put-the-comic-in-his-place sort of way.

The sad thing is, I wish and I pray that my daughter was only as mentally handicapped as the stereotype that Mike portrayed. Imagine if J could walk, talk, take interest in things and smile.

That is irony.

More posting

Well, things have been a bit busy around the house for the last few years. However, I think it is time to start up this blog again. I will begin posting, some recent stuff and also looking back and updating on our lives.

Update: You may find things a bit disjointed. I will be writing about the last 2 years as well as what has been going on recently. It's my blog, so you will just have to suck it up.