http://www.myleftwinggirlfriend.blogspot.com/Ouch.
I went looking for the left-wing analogue of http://myrightwingdad.blogspot.com/. I did not find that. (I suppose it may have been that at one time.) There is nothing here about politics, just one stay-at-home dad's self-pity and little-varnished desire to kill his disabled daughter.
Showing posts with label the twins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the twins. Show all posts
Friday, June 22, 2012
Even Jesus Had His Haters
By following back a traffic source, I came across this gem of a site. It seems users post the most awful link of the day, and someone came across my little piece of the net and nominated me. It was three years ago, so I guess I did not win, as I failed to receive my notification in the mail or cash prize. Here is how my nominator described this site:
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Portrayal of Fathers in the Media Changing?
This is an interesting article about the changing portrayal of Fathers in TV and movies.
Six year ago, when the Wife was expecting twins, we were in our local mall and there was a stay a home mothers group set up with a table. As we walked by, she checked it out and, noticing that she was pregnant, they started giving her information about the group. At the end, she asked if men could join as well, as her husband would be staying home with the kids. They laughed at her, as in a sort of "Your husband staying home, that's a good joke." You should have seen the looks on their face as they realized she wasn't joking. They looked over at me with this sort of stunned look as I gave them a little smile. I never did join the group, but I noticed some time later that they had changed their name from stay at home mothers to stay at home parents.
This was in 2006. Twenty years after the movie Mr. Mom at least opened us up to the possibility, a stay at home Dad was like siting an alien. I remember the Politically Correct early 1990's where every was supposed to be able to do anything, regardless of gender. Ten to fifteen years after that women can be anything they want but men, not so much.
Advertisers and Hollywood better wise up. I am not going to buy any product or watch a movie that stereotypes me as an incompetent, clumsy boob.
Except if it is funny.
Further reading: Stay at home Dad's double over last decade
Six year ago, when the Wife was expecting twins, we were in our local mall and there was a stay a home mothers group set up with a table. As we walked by, she checked it out and, noticing that she was pregnant, they started giving her information about the group. At the end, she asked if men could join as well, as her husband would be staying home with the kids. They laughed at her, as in a sort of "Your husband staying home, that's a good joke." You should have seen the looks on their face as they realized she wasn't joking. They looked over at me with this sort of stunned look as I gave them a little smile. I never did join the group, but I noticed some time later that they had changed their name from stay at home mothers to stay at home parents.
This was in 2006. Twenty years after the movie Mr. Mom at least opened us up to the possibility, a stay at home Dad was like siting an alien. I remember the Politically Correct early 1990's where every was supposed to be able to do anything, regardless of gender. Ten to fifteen years after that women can be anything they want but men, not so much.
Advertisers and Hollywood better wise up. I am not going to buy any product or watch a movie that stereotypes me as an incompetent, clumsy boob.
Except if it is funny.
Further reading: Stay at home Dad's double over last decade
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Twins - Thoughts From When They Were One Year Old
This was originally written in December of 2007. I could not post it at the time, but I think I am able to now.
***
Robert Latimer is back in the news. He is up for day parole. I was not aware he was still in prison. He has served 15 years of his life sentence.
I lack detailed knowledge about his daughter's medical situation, but there are some parallels to J's, at least in the effects.
Although barely one year old, our doctors have been mentioning about her hip. Her lack of control over her muscles cause them to contract involuntarily and are causing a hip to pull out of alignment. It may require surgery or a brace, or something.
When we go out, I am constantly asked about the girls. J is obviously smaller and seems like a newborn while K is obviously at least a year old. People wonder how they can be so close together in age. When I tell them they are twins, you can see they are even more confused. However, I don't normally offer an explanation unless asked.
J's head is about half the size of her sister and has not really grown since she was born. I have seen the MRI scan of her brain. White spots indicate tissue and black indicate no tissue/fluid. The black spots were larger than the white. Seeing those pictures immediately dashed any hopes I might have had for her to have anything close to a normal life. She has somewhere between 25-30% the higher brain mass of a normal child. How can therapy work with something that is not there? I don't expect she will progress beyond the mental age of a 1-3 month old baby. K is growing up fast. Yesterday she walked unassisted for the first time. Yet every milestone that K passes reminds me of the one that J will never meet.
Right now is a bit of a false spring. We have an appointment in a few weeks and they will be looking at her hip and the curve in her spine. I can now pretend that I have two daughters, one that is over a year old and another who is just born. However, we will soon have to face J's dislocating hip and severely curved spine. I expect that life will increasingly become more painful for her, require more invasive procedures, and require more hard decisions from her parents.
I can see ourselves in a future situation similar to the one that the Latimer family faced fifteen years ago.
It is true what they say about judging a man before you walk in his shoes. Although we have no idea how long J will survive, I cannot fathom life without her. As I write this, she sleeps quietly in the living room, finally having worn herself out during tummy time. I can think of nothing more beautiful than her sleeping face.
You really do not understand love until you experience the love you have for your own children.
***
Robert Latimer is back in the news. He is up for day parole. I was not aware he was still in prison. He has served 15 years of his life sentence.
I lack detailed knowledge about his daughter's medical situation, but there are some parallels to J's, at least in the effects.
Although barely one year old, our doctors have been mentioning about her hip. Her lack of control over her muscles cause them to contract involuntarily and are causing a hip to pull out of alignment. It may require surgery or a brace, or something.
When we go out, I am constantly asked about the girls. J is obviously smaller and seems like a newborn while K is obviously at least a year old. People wonder how they can be so close together in age. When I tell them they are twins, you can see they are even more confused. However, I don't normally offer an explanation unless asked.
J's head is about half the size of her sister and has not really grown since she was born. I have seen the MRI scan of her brain. White spots indicate tissue and black indicate no tissue/fluid. The black spots were larger than the white. Seeing those pictures immediately dashed any hopes I might have had for her to have anything close to a normal life. She has somewhere between 25-30% the higher brain mass of a normal child. How can therapy work with something that is not there? I don't expect she will progress beyond the mental age of a 1-3 month old baby. K is growing up fast. Yesterday she walked unassisted for the first time. Yet every milestone that K passes reminds me of the one that J will never meet.
Right now is a bit of a false spring. We have an appointment in a few weeks and they will be looking at her hip and the curve in her spine. I can now pretend that I have two daughters, one that is over a year old and another who is just born. However, we will soon have to face J's dislocating hip and severely curved spine. I expect that life will increasingly become more painful for her, require more invasive procedures, and require more hard decisions from her parents.
I can see ourselves in a future situation similar to the one that the Latimer family faced fifteen years ago.
It is true what they say about judging a man before you walk in his shoes. Although we have no idea how long J will survive, I cannot fathom life without her. As I write this, she sleeps quietly in the living room, finally having worn herself out during tummy time. I can think of nothing more beautiful than her sleeping face.
You really do not understand love until you experience the love you have for your own children.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Big Announcement at the MLWGF House
The Wife is Pregnant.
We are just over 4 months into it. The baby is due in April 2012.
We have the next ultrasound at the end of the month. So far they have found only one, but last time at this time they thought it was one. No reason to expect more than one, but the Wife has been joking about it.
I can't imagine what I would do if it was twins again.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Big Announcement Coming
I have not been posting to this blog much in the last few weeks. I have been writing on my other blog. I am going to start paying more attention to this blog and you will see a lot more posts in the next little bit.
But first, I am going to make a big announcement on Saturday, 19 November. It's not a cure for cancer or some big invention that will change the world. It is of a personal nature.
Feel free to guess in the coments.
But first, I am going to make a big announcement on Saturday, 19 November. It's not a cure for cancer or some big invention that will change the world. It is of a personal nature.
Feel free to guess in the coments.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Not A Good Dad
I don't like the kind of father I am turning out to be.
K asks a lot of questions, makes a lot of demands and statements, as any four year old will do. I seem to get exasperated with her very easily. When I am doing something I tend to focus on it to the exclusion of everything else and any disruption or interruption is unwelcome. It forces me to change my focus. It is never a problem with adults, but K will fire off a constant stream of statements, usually when I am having difficulty dealing with her sister. I cannot keep the exasperation out of my voice when I answer " Yes, K".
I find that adults tends to think kids understand less than they do. K is smart, I think she already knows that her dad's answer really means that he does not want to talk to her right now. That is not how I want my relationship with my daughter to be.
J is sick, she has a viral infection. Infections and colds are dangerous for her. Because she cannot move around, the usual was of clearing ones lungs are difficult. Most children in her situation die of pneumonia or something related to it.
When she is sick I get worried and stressed. Last night I was holding her for 30 minutes while her body spasmed with coughing, as we tried to get the stuff out of her lungs. During these times, my worry is at its peak, as I deal with the feelings of helplessness, guilt for not doing enough and the what ifs. Of course, it is during this time that K will come up to me and demand juice or tell me that Santa's elves are very talented. Wrapped up in my own worry and doubt, I cannot keep the exasperation out of my voice.
I am pushing her away with my tone. Someday soon she will realize it, if she has not already.
How can I change these feelings? Will I lose both of my children, one to early death, the other to her father's rudeness?
K asks a lot of questions, makes a lot of demands and statements, as any four year old will do. I seem to get exasperated with her very easily. When I am doing something I tend to focus on it to the exclusion of everything else and any disruption or interruption is unwelcome. It forces me to change my focus. It is never a problem with adults, but K will fire off a constant stream of statements, usually when I am having difficulty dealing with her sister. I cannot keep the exasperation out of my voice when I answer " Yes, K".
I find that adults tends to think kids understand less than they do. K is smart, I think she already knows that her dad's answer really means that he does not want to talk to her right now. That is not how I want my relationship with my daughter to be.
J is sick, she has a viral infection. Infections and colds are dangerous for her. Because she cannot move around, the usual was of clearing ones lungs are difficult. Most children in her situation die of pneumonia or something related to it.
When she is sick I get worried and stressed. Last night I was holding her for 30 minutes while her body spasmed with coughing, as we tried to get the stuff out of her lungs. During these times, my worry is at its peak, as I deal with the feelings of helplessness, guilt for not doing enough and the what ifs. Of course, it is during this time that K will come up to me and demand juice or tell me that Santa's elves are very talented. Wrapped up in my own worry and doubt, I cannot keep the exasperation out of my voice.
I am pushing her away with my tone. Someday soon she will realize it, if she has not already.
How can I change these feelings? Will I lose both of my children, one to early death, the other to her father's rudeness?
Monday, May 17, 2010
Irony thy name is The Laugh Shop
The wife had her birthday on Friday, so I took her out for Indian food and to a local comedy club called The Laugh Shop.
Now, I have been to comedy clubs before. I wanted a seat not too far in the back so we could see, but not too close to the front, so as not to be in the firing line. Guess where they put us? The club is very small, so our table was to one side, practically on the stage. The light was shining in my eyes and it felt like we were on stage with the guy. There was another table beside us, in the same situation, however, those people did not show up. On the other side of the stage there was a large party so their tables were pushed together, out of the light. Even the front row, directly in front, was less obvious than us, as they were out of the light and much lower than the stage. Ironic.
I was the biggest target all night. To be fair, I offered us up when I volunteered that the wife was having a birthday. Of course, the guy focused on me instead.
His name was Mike and was from New York, and served as the opening act for the headliner. I actually thought he was funnier than the other guy.
After picking on some poor blue collar, already half in the bag already guy Trevor, he focused on me. His main thing was suggesting that I was "retarded", that I thought my family were pickles, and I was going to my house on the moon after the show. He called me "Pickle" all night and did the stereotypical mannerisms of a "retarded" person. The crowd thought it was funny. I, less so, seeing as I was the butt of the jokes.
As our daughter is severely mentally handicapped, the wife was not too impressed and was going to write about our situation on the back of the comment card. I stopped her. Some of you may know of a case brought up to a Human Rights Commission in B.C. where this comic made fun of some lesbians. Comedy can be hit and miss, but I would rather the guy be free to say what he wants. Writing on the comment card would do nothing, except perhaps for the owner to refuse some acts because they might offend. Being offended is a chance you take and I would rather take that chance than have censorship.
I did not get a chance to bring up the situation of our daughter. Too bad, I thought that would be really funny, in a put-the-comic-in-his-place sort of way.
The sad thing is, I wish and I pray that my daughter was only as mentally handicapped as the stereotype that Mike portrayed. Imagine if J could walk, talk, take interest in things and smile.
That is irony.
Now, I have been to comedy clubs before. I wanted a seat not too far in the back so we could see, but not too close to the front, so as not to be in the firing line. Guess where they put us? The club is very small, so our table was to one side, practically on the stage. The light was shining in my eyes and it felt like we were on stage with the guy. There was another table beside us, in the same situation, however, those people did not show up. On the other side of the stage there was a large party so their tables were pushed together, out of the light. Even the front row, directly in front, was less obvious than us, as they were out of the light and much lower than the stage. Ironic.
I was the biggest target all night. To be fair, I offered us up when I volunteered that the wife was having a birthday. Of course, the guy focused on me instead.
His name was Mike and was from New York, and served as the opening act for the headliner. I actually thought he was funnier than the other guy.
After picking on some poor blue collar, already half in the bag already guy Trevor, he focused on me. His main thing was suggesting that I was "retarded", that I thought my family were pickles, and I was going to my house on the moon after the show. He called me "Pickle" all night and did the stereotypical mannerisms of a "retarded" person. The crowd thought it was funny. I, less so, seeing as I was the butt of the jokes.
As our daughter is severely mentally handicapped, the wife was not too impressed and was going to write about our situation on the back of the comment card. I stopped her. Some of you may know of a case brought up to a Human Rights Commission in B.C. where this comic made fun of some lesbians. Comedy can be hit and miss, but I would rather the guy be free to say what he wants. Writing on the comment card would do nothing, except perhaps for the owner to refuse some acts because they might offend. Being offended is a chance you take and I would rather take that chance than have censorship.
I did not get a chance to bring up the situation of our daughter. Too bad, I thought that would be really funny, in a put-the-comic-in-his-place sort of way.
The sad thing is, I wish and I pray that my daughter was only as mentally handicapped as the stereotype that Mike portrayed. Imagine if J could walk, talk, take interest in things and smile.
That is irony.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Challanges of being a Stay-At-Home Dad
Let me be completely honest. I didn't think taking care of the kids would be very hard. Cooking, washing clothes, etc, it's not that difficult. My opinion hasn't changed. What has changed is my appreciation of the mental aspects. I had no idea my sanity would be taxed this much. I wanted to have kids, and found, for the most part, I enjoyed dealing with them. I helped teach taekwondo for a few years, so had some small measure of an idea what they were like.
I am still able to deal with my daughters in a way I am happy with, the problem comes when I get frustrated, angry, etc. This, I think, is when most parents act or deal with their children in a way that they are not proud of. We are all human, we all make mistakes The key is reducing those moments to the smallest number possible.
The main mental challenge I face is the isolation. Two year old conversation consists mostly of "Don't do that", or "Put that down!"interspaced with "Why are you crying?", "Tell Daddy what you want", and "Use you words".
In order to keep from going insane, you have to get out. Unfortunately, a few things conspire to make this difficult. Firstly, I am a bit of a home body. I like to stay at home, in my sanctuary. Having two the same age also makes it more difficult, as well as Jocelyn's situation.
But the last thing is the most difficult. People can claim otherwise, but the only reason any parent takes the kids anywhere is to talk to other adults and have an adult conversation. The kids don't really care. My daughter will find a cardboard box or a rock as interesting as a trip, so why go through all the trouble of getting them dressed, getting diapers, toys, wipes, food, etc together just to go somewhere when they would be just as happy at home?
It's for the parents.
That is where being a man is a problem. In this area of Alberta anyway, being a stay at home dad is still a bit of a novelty. Based on my own observations, 99.9% of all stay at home parents are women. When the Wife was pregnant, she came across a stay at home mom group advertising at the local mall. She asked if her husband could join, as he was going to stay home with the kids. They laughed. They were tripping over themselves once they saw she was serious, but, even with all the crap about equality over the past 20 years, it did not occur to them that she might be serious.
So how to join one of these groups? Although I am sure I would be outwardly welcomed, (politically correctness and all that) I feel a bit uncomfortable. It is always all women except me, and I feel like an outsider. I feel like the only guy at the slumber party and I am somehow inhibiting these people from being themselves. I understand that, as any group of guys is not the same when there are women in the group. Besides, they want to talk about women things, which I am not very interested in. The only thing we share in common is raising kids, and that is the last thing I want to talk about. The only solution is some sort of Dad group.
As you can imagine, in our area there are plenty of mom groups around. Dads, not so much. Stay at home dads are somewhat like sightings of Bigfoot or the Lock Ness Monster. When people find out I look after the kids, they often say they know a friend of a friend of a friend who stays at home with their kids. However, no one knows their names or has ever met them. So far, I have heard of two other men in our town looking after kids, and both of these had all the detail and credibility of a Bigfoot sighting.
If there are any guys in the Edmonton area wanting to prevent kid-induced insanity, drop me a line.
I am still able to deal with my daughters in a way I am happy with, the problem comes when I get frustrated, angry, etc. This, I think, is when most parents act or deal with their children in a way that they are not proud of. We are all human, we all make mistakes The key is reducing those moments to the smallest number possible.
The main mental challenge I face is the isolation. Two year old conversation consists mostly of "Don't do that", or "Put that down!"interspaced with "Why are you crying?", "Tell Daddy what you want", and "Use you words".
In order to keep from going insane, you have to get out. Unfortunately, a few things conspire to make this difficult. Firstly, I am a bit of a home body. I like to stay at home, in my sanctuary. Having two the same age also makes it more difficult, as well as Jocelyn's situation.
But the last thing is the most difficult. People can claim otherwise, but the only reason any parent takes the kids anywhere is to talk to other adults and have an adult conversation. The kids don't really care. My daughter will find a cardboard box or a rock as interesting as a trip, so why go through all the trouble of getting them dressed, getting diapers, toys, wipes, food, etc together just to go somewhere when they would be just as happy at home?
It's for the parents.
That is where being a man is a problem. In this area of Alberta anyway, being a stay at home dad is still a bit of a novelty. Based on my own observations, 99.9% of all stay at home parents are women. When the Wife was pregnant, she came across a stay at home mom group advertising at the local mall. She asked if her husband could join, as he was going to stay home with the kids. They laughed. They were tripping over themselves once they saw she was serious, but, even with all the crap about equality over the past 20 years, it did not occur to them that she might be serious.
So how to join one of these groups? Although I am sure I would be outwardly welcomed, (politically correctness and all that) I feel a bit uncomfortable. It is always all women except me, and I feel like an outsider. I feel like the only guy at the slumber party and I am somehow inhibiting these people from being themselves. I understand that, as any group of guys is not the same when there are women in the group. Besides, they want to talk about women things, which I am not very interested in. The only thing we share in common is raising kids, and that is the last thing I want to talk about. The only solution is some sort of Dad group.
As you can imagine, in our area there are plenty of mom groups around. Dads, not so much. Stay at home dads are somewhat like sightings of Bigfoot or the Lock Ness Monster. When people find out I look after the kids, they often say they know a friend of a friend of a friend who stays at home with their kids. However, no one knows their names or has ever met them. So far, I have heard of two other men in our town looking after kids, and both of these had all the detail and credibility of a Bigfoot sighting.
If there are any guys in the Edmonton area wanting to prevent kid-induced insanity, drop me a line.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Trapped
I used to hear about how women could feel trapped staying at home. I would see/hear about shows, such as Oprah, where women would talk about how hard it was to be a stay at home parent. I would listen but never believe. I mean, stay at home, no stress from work, just throw in a few loads of laundry once in a while. How hard could that be?
I still believe it is easy in that respect, but it is the mental aspects that are the hardest.
You hear men (great fodder for comedy) talk about coming home from a hard day at work and the wife just laying into them about nothing, all mad about something very minor that happened days ago. They would chalk it up to hormones or something of that nature.
It's not hormonal, as I just experienced it.
For the last three hours I have been trying to get a few things done and make a few simple phone calls. Katherine has been very demanding of attention at the worst possible moments and cannot be distracted. I hate whining in children, and she can be very effective at it if she doesn't get what she wants.
After three hours of this I have a headache and I feel like I am going to snap. I just made a typo and I had an urge to throw this laptop.
I am angry. But I can't take it out on the children, because they do not know any better and then I would be a bad parent. The logical, or most readily available target is the wife.
If the wife can home right now I would find any excuse to start a fight so I could have an outlet.
Hopefully a telemarketer will call before she gets home so I can take it out on them.
Honey, if you are reading this at work, bring flowers.
I still believe it is easy in that respect, but it is the mental aspects that are the hardest.
You hear men (great fodder for comedy) talk about coming home from a hard day at work and the wife just laying into them about nothing, all mad about something very minor that happened days ago. They would chalk it up to hormones or something of that nature.
It's not hormonal, as I just experienced it.
For the last three hours I have been trying to get a few things done and make a few simple phone calls. Katherine has been very demanding of attention at the worst possible moments and cannot be distracted. I hate whining in children, and she can be very effective at it if she doesn't get what she wants.
After three hours of this I have a headache and I feel like I am going to snap. I just made a typo and I had an urge to throw this laptop.
I am angry. But I can't take it out on the children, because they do not know any better and then I would be a bad parent. The logical, or most readily available target is the wife.
If the wife can home right now I would find any excuse to start a fight so I could have an outlet.
Hopefully a telemarketer will call before she gets home so I can take it out on them.
Honey, if you are reading this at work, bring flowers.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Gone Swimming
Today was the start of extra activities with the twins. We went swimming at our local community rec center. At their age, swimming class consists of splashing, kicking and floating (with help). Katherine really enjoyed it, only becoming upset when I did not let her go off on her own. Jocelyn cannot participate at the same level as Katherine, but she did not cry and seemed to enjoy the water.
Unfortunately, every activity in the pool is done with a song, which is the usual repetitive jingles of children's songs. Fortunately there are no other fathers in the group and none of my Army buddies are there to see me. My own view of my manhood takes a bit of a hit when I am singing songs that start with "The frog says.."
There are some hot moms out there. I am going to have to start working out again.
P.S. Thanks to our friends and neighbours for helping me with the girls.
Unfortunately, every activity in the pool is done with a song, which is the usual repetitive jingles of children's songs. Fortunately there are no other fathers in the group and none of my Army buddies are there to see me. My own view of my manhood takes a bit of a hit when I am singing songs that start with "The frog says.."
There are some hot moms out there. I am going to have to start working out again.
P.S. Thanks to our friends and neighbours for helping me with the girls.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Happy Birthday Twins!
This week, the girls' had their first birthday. What a disaster.
One year is a bit young to get the whole presents thing, so I did not expect much. Dirt on the floor is new and exciting to a one year old, so a present is not much different.
For those of you do not know, putting a sparkler on a cake for a one year old is not a good idea.
After that, things went a bit downhill. I opened the presents, but Katherine was still a bit upset. Only the cake calmed her down, as she proceeded to shove fistfuls, as much as she could hold in her hand.
Katherine gets upset at times, but it usually doesn't last very long. That night she spent 45 minutes to an hour screaming as we were trying to put her to sleep, and not normal screaming, but the extremely loud, "I am really upset", screaming. Nothing we did could calm her down. We eventually just had to put her down and let it run its course. That is the first time she has ever done anything like that.
First Birthday: Twins receive some books, stuffed animals, and a toy drum. Parents receive a screaming fit the likes of which they have never experienced before.
I guess we will call that even.
One year is a bit young to get the whole presents thing, so I did not expect much. Dirt on the floor is new and exciting to a one year old, so a present is not much different.
For those of you do not know, putting a sparkler on a cake for a one year old is not a good idea.
After that, things went a bit downhill. I opened the presents, but Katherine was still a bit upset. Only the cake calmed her down, as she proceeded to shove fistfuls, as much as she could hold in her hand.
Katherine gets upset at times, but it usually doesn't last very long. That night she spent 45 minutes to an hour screaming as we were trying to put her to sleep, and not normal screaming, but the extremely loud, "I am really upset", screaming. Nothing we did could calm her down. We eventually just had to put her down and let it run its course. That is the first time she has ever done anything like that.
First Birthday: Twins receive some books, stuffed animals, and a toy drum. Parents receive a screaming fit the likes of which they have never experienced before.
I guess we will call that even.
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