From the comments:
Reading this blog has begun to depress me. In particular, that separate account thing doesn't sound good to me. Sort of like a "just in case we break up, at least I'll know what's mine" provision.
Part of the problem is that we are moving and trying to adjust our lives. Remember we have spent over half our married life away from each other and we just moved into a new house. Of the six major life stresses, we had two last year (marriage and moving), so I expect some time will be needed to adjust.
Still, I think we should just have one account and be done with it. I am not sure why she wants to have separate accounts. I only have a part time job and we could not afford to pay the bills on my money alone, so she pays most household expenses.
If she is planning to "get out", it would be in her best interest to merge everything.
I think the separate account thing is more about some sort of left wing, "I am my own individual" thing. However, she did take my last name so that doesn't really make any sense.
There were two things I wanted to do in writing this blog. The first was to get some experience writing, to see if it was a career I wanted to pursue. The second was to highlight the problems of two people who love each other but hold different political views. I hoped this might provide some humour to my readers and show that every marriage/relationship has ups and downs, conflict and difference of opinion. And to show that those things can be worked through.
At least I think they can. I am not sure, since I have not had a relationship last over 3 months in the last 15 years.
This is a bit of unfamiliar territory to me.
Hopefully I will be able to give you a final accounting in 40 years.
3 comments:
The separate bank accounts are not that unusual, it is a variation on the "what is mine is mine, what is yours is mine". It is also a symptom of marrying someone who has been self sufficient for a while. You are luckier than most in that the wife is actually paying most of the bills. It comes down to a reluctance to give up some freedom to spend, if those new shoes come out of her account, she alone needs to know, but if there is a cheque out of a common account, then rightly or wrongly, she may feel like she has to justify it to you, or else you will use it as justification for the 36" plasma screen. Not to worry, after about 10 years, the need to have separate "mad" money will go away. Unless she becomes a stay at home mom, in which case a direct deposit of $100-$200 a month into a separate "mad money" account where there is no accountability is a life saver. Even if she doesn't blow it all on makeup or shoes and does something sensible with it like donate to an RESP, it is still important that she "feels" like she has autonomy. There doesn't need to be logic to it, just love them and hope for the best.
Thanks for the tips.
To be honest, I am not really worried about her spending money on stuff. She is not as cheap as me, but she doesn't waste money on stuff. Except for the occasional coffee.
My real reason for combining the money is so that I can manage investments better. I have been doing well with some of my investments, (or my guy has) and I want to do even better. Freedom 45 may be possible.
Although you think you have only a few readers I think you have more. I enjoy reading your blog and came upon it a few months ago.
Cheers
~Sharon
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