Last night we were having a drink at the beach bar at Breezes. It was the last night for a group from Iowa celebrating the wedding of their friends. They had been having a good time for quite some time, as evidenced by one guy chugging a 4 litre jug of beer and another guy taking off his shorts to demonstrate his “manhood”. This isn’t Hedo, where that kind of thing is encouraged. This should give you an idea of how drunk these people were.
Just after this, two women from the group sidle up to me at the bar. Someone in the group has decided that everyone will do a shot called a Flaming Bob Marley. One women doesn’t want to do the shot so she asks me to do it for her. Now, being that all the booze is free, if I wanted to do a flaming Bob Marley, I would just order one. They have obviously anticipated this remark, as the other women, trying to appeal to my lower male nature, quickly adds words to the effect that, if I help her friend by consuming her shot, she will show me her breasts, presumably in gratitude. While this conversation is going on, both are encouraging me by rubbing my back, neck and arms.
(Disclaimer: I have very little practice dealing with aggressive women and so have little practice fighting them off. They approach me so infrequently that my usual response is one of shocked paralysis, so the wife should forgive me for not getting rid of them immediately.)
Now, I haven’t felt a woman’s touch for about a month and, quite frankly, it felt good. These women were reasonably good looking (but nowhere near as attractive as the wife) and was half ready to help this poor “damsel in distress”, just to feel like a man that women desired. Then my brain examined the other side of the equation. If I was single I probably would have taken the shot, hoping it was an opening for something else. However, I am not single and the group was all couples, so these two likely had husbands/boyfriends somewhere. My conclusion: This was simply women practicing their feminine wiles on someone other than their husbands. It’s a bit of personal pride for me to not be so easily taken advantage of.
Then again, there is the other side of the coin: I would see breasts!
I judged she was drunk enough to keep her side of the bargain. But still, more damn logic. What exactly would I be getting for falling for so obvious a ploy? Did they do tricks? Do rockets shoot out of them? Change colours? Tell jokes? I mean, would I really see anything I have not seen before? After a small number of relationships, seeing more nude women at Hedo and, through over 10 years of military service, countless porn magazines and movies, would I really see anything new? Sorry to say so ladies, but breasts are pretty much all the same. Don’t get me wrong, I like to look at them, but with only some variation in size, shape and colour, there is not much difference from pair to pair.
So, the offer is to drink a nasty shot of something for a split second look at something I have probably seen before.
My reply: “If I let you have the shot you will probably get drunk enough to take off your top anyway?”
Score one for man in the battle of the sexes.
No comments:
Post a Comment