Kate at SDA put me onto this article at the Globe and Mail about a plan to allow parent to put up to $200,000 aside for their severely disabled children.
Although we have been in this position for 2 weeks, I have already considered the future for our daughter. The wife and I are both in our mid 30's, so it is likely that our daughter will live a long time beyond us. I would hate to put our other children under a financial burden after we are gone.
I hope this measure is implemented as soon as possible.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Significant is Significant
We had another meeting with Jocelyn's doctor today. Last week, he had the report which noted significant brain damage, but he had not seen the MRI or talked to the experts. I was hoping "significant" was not that significant.
It is. Jocelyn has almost no outer brain, that which controls higher functions. It seems the hope I was clinging to was unfounded.
In these cases, there is a high chance that she will develop seizures and babies in this situation have a 50-50 chance of making it through their first year.
As disturbing as that is, it is not the worst thing we may have to face. He brought up the subject of what measures we want to do to keep her alive, leading me to believe this is something we may have to face soon.
How can I make that kind of decision?
Parents are supposed to care for and protect their children. How can I not do everything possible to protect her? Yet, if her quality of life is so poor that she will never talk, eat, walk or even be aware of what is going on around her, is it really best for her to keep her alive artificially?
I do not want to have to face these decisions.
It is. Jocelyn has almost no outer brain, that which controls higher functions. It seems the hope I was clinging to was unfounded.
In these cases, there is a high chance that she will develop seizures and babies in this situation have a 50-50 chance of making it through their first year.
As disturbing as that is, it is not the worst thing we may have to face. He brought up the subject of what measures we want to do to keep her alive, leading me to believe this is something we may have to face soon.
How can I make that kind of decision?
Parents are supposed to care for and protect their children. How can I not do everything possible to protect her? Yet, if her quality of life is so poor that she will never talk, eat, walk or even be aware of what is going on around her, is it really best for her to keep her alive artificially?
I do not want to have to face these decisions.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Bittersweet Babies
One of the things parents take joy in is the development of their babies. Their first word, their first steps, their first smile.
Last week, Katherine started to communicate with us. She smiles and makes different noises as I look at her. She tries to repeat the sounds I make and laughs when I laugh at her.
However, even through all the wonderment I feel, there always exists a bit of sadness in the back of my mind. Will Jocelyn ever do these things? Will she ever smile at me? What will her life be like? And will I be able to deal with it?
That sounds a bit selfish to me, but my biggest worry is about the wife and I, and will we be able to handle this.
Last week, Katherine started to communicate with us. She smiles and makes different noises as I look at her. She tries to repeat the sounds I make and laughs when I laugh at her.
However, even through all the wonderment I feel, there always exists a bit of sadness in the back of my mind. Will Jocelyn ever do these things? Will she ever smile at me? What will her life be like? And will I be able to deal with it?
That sounds a bit selfish to me, but my biggest worry is about the wife and I, and will we be able to handle this.
Friday, December 08, 2006
A Day in the Life
Caring for children is difficult.
Both the wife an I are at home, and I still find it a draining experience. A guy I know has twins that are a few months older than ours, and his wife stays home alone with them. I do not know how she does it.
We usually get up around eight am. The girls sleep until about then. Katherine usually sleeps the whole night, from 11 pm, Jocelyn gets up usually once at about 3 or 4 am.
Overall, not much to complain about there. Ours are pretty good compared to other horror stories I have heard.
The problem comes during the day. I feel like I spend my whole life in the living room. There are days when I do not go outside. The wife and I look forward to running out of something, so someone has an excuse to go out.
I have become very familar with the TV schedule. There is nothing much on in the morning, so we leave it on CTV Newsnet until I cannot stand their lefty crap anymore. That is usually about noon, so I switch to CPAC and watch what is going on in the House. After that, I usually flip it around between Seinfeld, and Dr Phil or occasionally to the Food Network, as the wife likes their stuff. Before supper, the wife likes to watch Scrubs. Then it is into the evening schedule, where we just pick the best thing we can.
That is close to 15 hours of TV per day. It sickens me as well, but we are a bit stuck. As Katherine sleeps all night, we almost have to continuously feed her through the day. Jocelyn needs to be hooked up to her feeding machine every two hours, but she requires almost constant holding to keep her calm and relaxed. This means we just use the TV as something to look at while looking after them. The rest of the time is spent cooking meals, using the bathroom or having a shower (something I have yet to have today).
Needless to say, I am feeling fat, tired and generally down.
Hopefully it turns around a bit.
Both the wife an I are at home, and I still find it a draining experience. A guy I know has twins that are a few months older than ours, and his wife stays home alone with them. I do not know how she does it.
We usually get up around eight am. The girls sleep until about then. Katherine usually sleeps the whole night, from 11 pm, Jocelyn gets up usually once at about 3 or 4 am.
Overall, not much to complain about there. Ours are pretty good compared to other horror stories I have heard.
The problem comes during the day. I feel like I spend my whole life in the living room. There are days when I do not go outside. The wife and I look forward to running out of something, so someone has an excuse to go out.
I have become very familar with the TV schedule. There is nothing much on in the morning, so we leave it on CTV Newsnet until I cannot stand their lefty crap anymore. That is usually about noon, so I switch to CPAC and watch what is going on in the House. After that, I usually flip it around between Seinfeld, and Dr Phil or occasionally to the Food Network, as the wife likes their stuff. Before supper, the wife likes to watch Scrubs. Then it is into the evening schedule, where we just pick the best thing we can.
That is close to 15 hours of TV per day. It sickens me as well, but we are a bit stuck. As Katherine sleeps all night, we almost have to continuously feed her through the day. Jocelyn needs to be hooked up to her feeding machine every two hours, but she requires almost constant holding to keep her calm and relaxed. This means we just use the TV as something to look at while looking after them. The rest of the time is spent cooking meals, using the bathroom or having a shower (something I have yet to have today).
Needless to say, I am feeling fat, tired and generally down.
Hopefully it turns around a bit.
An Interesting perspective on Gay Marriage
A great post at The Politic regarding gay marriage.
Shane has some interesting points.
Shane has some interesting points.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
MRI Results
On Monday, we received the MRI results. They were not good.
Sometime during the pregnancy, Jocelyn's brain was denied blood, not allowing it to develop normally. She has areas in her brain where there is no brain matter, all of them in the outer brain, where all the higher brain functions are. I do not know how big these areas are, but they are described in the report as "significant".
We have to be prepared for the fact that she may never be able to walk, speak or acknowledge us. We have to be prepared for the fact that she may need to be institutionalized for most of her life.
Next Monday we will get a look at the actual MRI to see how big these spaces are and come to some sort of plan with how to proceed next.
Sometime during the pregnancy, Jocelyn's brain was denied blood, not allowing it to develop normally. She has areas in her brain where there is no brain matter, all of them in the outer brain, where all the higher brain functions are. I do not know how big these areas are, but they are described in the report as "significant".
We have to be prepared for the fact that she may never be able to walk, speak or acknowledge us. We have to be prepared for the fact that she may need to be institutionalized for most of her life.
Next Monday we will get a look at the actual MRI to see how big these spaces are and come to some sort of plan with how to proceed next.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
3 Month MRI
On Thursday, Jocelyn had an MRI.
I spent most of the day in the hospital. We had the first appointment in the morning and with babies under 3 months, they like to keep you after to insure there are no reactions to the anesthesia.
The MRI went well. She was done by eight am and woke up right after.
Tomorrow morning, we see the doc for the results.
We may get some idea what is wrong, or not. I am not sure what result I want. The truth is, I am hoping that we are not going to find anything wrong. It's a bit confusing. We know something is wrong. Her last MRI was abnormal, but they cannot tell how that abnormality will effect her or even if it will affect her (at least that's what they tell me). The brain is still a mystery, so I am hoping that her brain will compensate for whatever was the problem and she will develop normally. Finding something means my hope might be dashed. I think the wife is the opposite. She wants to have a name put to it so we can start doing something about it.
My bet is that tomorrow they will say they still see something wrong, but will have no idea what it means to her. This is probably the best result for me, as I can still hope but it is the worst result for the wife, as it leaves many questions.
Right now, it is obvious Jocelyn is different from her sister and behind in development. Last week, her sister started to smile and now responds to me making faces and noises at her. However, this does not mean Jocelyn has development problems, as she was in the hospital for a month. Being sick is not conducive to normal development and she can be expected to be a month behind her sister. She has given us some positive signs. She has been gaining weight her, cries are getting louder and she is becoming more interested in things going on around her. However, compare her to her sister, and you would not think they are the same age.
So, you can see why I still cling to hope. She is obviously not caught up yet, but she is showing signs of developing. The question is, is it enough and will she eventually catch up.
Tomorrow we will find out. Or not.
I spent most of the day in the hospital. We had the first appointment in the morning and with babies under 3 months, they like to keep you after to insure there are no reactions to the anesthesia.
The MRI went well. She was done by eight am and woke up right after.
Tomorrow morning, we see the doc for the results.
We may get some idea what is wrong, or not. I am not sure what result I want. The truth is, I am hoping that we are not going to find anything wrong. It's a bit confusing. We know something is wrong. Her last MRI was abnormal, but they cannot tell how that abnormality will effect her or even if it will affect her (at least that's what they tell me). The brain is still a mystery, so I am hoping that her brain will compensate for whatever was the problem and she will develop normally. Finding something means my hope might be dashed. I think the wife is the opposite. She wants to have a name put to it so we can start doing something about it.
My bet is that tomorrow they will say they still see something wrong, but will have no idea what it means to her. This is probably the best result for me, as I can still hope but it is the worst result for the wife, as it leaves many questions.
Right now, it is obvious Jocelyn is different from her sister and behind in development. Last week, her sister started to smile and now responds to me making faces and noises at her. However, this does not mean Jocelyn has development problems, as she was in the hospital for a month. Being sick is not conducive to normal development and she can be expected to be a month behind her sister. She has given us some positive signs. She has been gaining weight her, cries are getting louder and she is becoming more interested in things going on around her. However, compare her to her sister, and you would not think they are the same age.
So, you can see why I still cling to hope. She is obviously not caught up yet, but she is showing signs of developing. The question is, is it enough and will she eventually catch up.
Tomorrow we will find out. Or not.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Family Update
I have lately been a bit negligent in posting.
Things have settled down a bit lately, and I am now able to devote a bit more time to blogging. Over the next few weeks I will pick up my posting and update everyone on how we are doing.
So far, the babies are doing well. Both are at home. Katherine is fine and doing all the things a baby should and is now over 9 pounds. Jocelyn is just over 7 pounds and is being fed through an NG tube (tube in her nose). Other than that, she is not on any drugs. We have appointments with her doctor every week, just to monitor.
She had a bit of a problem last month in that she was not gaining weight. It was my fault. There are two main things going on with her. Babies need to gain weight, but we also want to get her off her feeding tube. She is on the tube because she is unable to get enough food to gain weight through a bottle, as she has not had the practice. So we were trying to do both and focusing on getting her off the tube. Over 4 days in October, we fed her bottle only, and made great strides. She was up to almost a 60 ml each feeding. Unfortunately, she was not able to keep this up the number of times necessary to gain weight and she lost ½ a pound in a week. At this point we had two babies, genetically the same but one at 6 pounds and one at 9 pounds. The hospital gave us a machine to regulate the formula. I swore I would never use this machine, as I saw it as a symbol of our failure to get her off the tube. It was at this point that I had to reevaluate and give up trying to do two things at once. We barely try to feed her with the bottle and the machine has ensured that she gets what she needs and she is up over seven pounds now.
We still do not know what, if anything, is wrong with her. We have an MRI at the end of the month and that may tell us something, or it may not. She has been calming down, has been less upset and she is often alert, looking around and responding to noises and objects. However, her head size is near the bottom of the percentile, so that is not good.
I think the waiting to know is the hardest.
Next post I will talk a bit about how this affects the parents.
Things have settled down a bit lately, and I am now able to devote a bit more time to blogging. Over the next few weeks I will pick up my posting and update everyone on how we are doing.
So far, the babies are doing well. Both are at home. Katherine is fine and doing all the things a baby should and is now over 9 pounds. Jocelyn is just over 7 pounds and is being fed through an NG tube (tube in her nose). Other than that, she is not on any drugs. We have appointments with her doctor every week, just to monitor.
She had a bit of a problem last month in that she was not gaining weight. It was my fault. There are two main things going on with her. Babies need to gain weight, but we also want to get her off her feeding tube. She is on the tube because she is unable to get enough food to gain weight through a bottle, as she has not had the practice. So we were trying to do both and focusing on getting her off the tube. Over 4 days in October, we fed her bottle only, and made great strides. She was up to almost a 60 ml each feeding. Unfortunately, she was not able to keep this up the number of times necessary to gain weight and she lost ½ a pound in a week. At this point we had two babies, genetically the same but one at 6 pounds and one at 9 pounds. The hospital gave us a machine to regulate the formula. I swore I would never use this machine, as I saw it as a symbol of our failure to get her off the tube. It was at this point that I had to reevaluate and give up trying to do two things at once. We barely try to feed her with the bottle and the machine has ensured that she gets what she needs and she is up over seven pounds now.
We still do not know what, if anything, is wrong with her. We have an MRI at the end of the month and that may tell us something, or it may not. She has been calming down, has been less upset and she is often alert, looking around and responding to noises and objects. However, her head size is near the bottom of the percentile, so that is not good.
I think the waiting to know is the hardest.
Next post I will talk a bit about how this affects the parents.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Together At Last
Yesterday, Jocelyn came home.
We spent Thursday night in the hospital. They have a overnight room for families and we took the both and spent the night there. It is a sort of trial run, to help see if you can cope.
I am not much for big organizations telling me what I can and cannot do, especially with my own children, so I was tempted to tell them to stick it and just take her home. However, the wife seemed to want to follow the "rules" and I think it made her more comfortable to go through a trial run with medical help close by if necessary.
The whole system makes you consider what type of people they normally deal with. The first time I realised there were some very different people out there was during the first set of rounds, where I heard them talking about the wife in the thrid person and mentioning that "the mother" had no history of drug or alcohol abuse during pregnancy.
The hospital staff was constantly tiptoeing around us, making it very obvious they were not trying to pressure us, to make sure we were confortable with dealing with both of them. Nice of them to be so understanding, but it gets a bit tiring being treated like a teenage single mom all the time.
However, we jumped through the hoops and they are our children now.
We are free to screw them up just like everyone else.
We spent Thursday night in the hospital. They have a overnight room for families and we took the both and spent the night there. It is a sort of trial run, to help see if you can cope.
I am not much for big organizations telling me what I can and cannot do, especially with my own children, so I was tempted to tell them to stick it and just take her home. However, the wife seemed to want to follow the "rules" and I think it made her more comfortable to go through a trial run with medical help close by if necessary.
The whole system makes you consider what type of people they normally deal with. The first time I realised there were some very different people out there was during the first set of rounds, where I heard them talking about the wife in the thrid person and mentioning that "the mother" had no history of drug or alcohol abuse during pregnancy.
The hospital staff was constantly tiptoeing around us, making it very obvious they were not trying to pressure us, to make sure we were confortable with dealing with both of them. Nice of them to be so understanding, but it gets a bit tiring being treated like a teenage single mom all the time.
However, we jumped through the hoops and they are our children now.
We are free to screw them up just like everyone else.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
So Close We Can Taste It
Yesterday, Jocelyn passed a car seat test and had her monitors removed. We have a meeting with the nutritionist in the morning.
We are now this close to bringing her home. I am hoping we can bring her home tomorrow. The wife expects a few more days, as she feels we need the time to start to get her on a schedule and she wants to spend at least a day at the hospital getting her used to our way of operating.
I don't thin they will wait that long and to be honest, I am starting to feel guilty about taking up a bedspace.
It is a great position to be in and I thought it would never come.
We are now this close to bringing her home. I am hoping we can bring her home tomorrow. The wife expects a few more days, as she feels we need the time to start to get her on a schedule and she wants to spend at least a day at the hospital getting her used to our way of operating.
I don't thin they will wait that long and to be honest, I am starting to feel guilty about taking up a bedspace.
It is a great position to be in and I thought it would never come.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Good News
We had a bit of a breakthrough with Jocelyn yesterday.
She took 20 ml of formula through a bottle yesterday. This may not sound like much, but it is the first time she has been successfully fed like a baby since she was born. This is significant as it is the only thing keeping her in the hospital. We have been hoping and trying to get her to feed for the past week.
Since she was born, she has been getting fed through an IV or feeding tube. Babies have a natural instinct to suck, but she has not been required to use it for the last 4 weeks. We were unsure if she would be able to. She has been showing us positive signs all week, but this is most encouraging.
Assuming she continues to improve this week, she may be able to come home as soon as this weekend.
She took 20 ml of formula through a bottle yesterday. This may not sound like much, but it is the first time she has been successfully fed like a baby since she was born. This is significant as it is the only thing keeping her in the hospital. We have been hoping and trying to get her to feed for the past week.
Since she was born, she has been getting fed through an IV or feeding tube. Babies have a natural instinct to suck, but she has not been required to use it for the last 4 weeks. We were unsure if she would be able to. She has been showing us positive signs all week, but this is most encouraging.
Assuming she continues to improve this week, she may be able to come home as soon as this weekend.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Babies Update
So far, everyone is doing better.
Mom still has some pain for the C section. It takes about 6 weeks to fully recover. You hear about women who prefer a C section, as it is more "convenient", more civilized and less painful. I do not see how anyone would choose a C section over natural childbirth. It is major surgery, one of the few that they have to cut you open for. I recommend avoiding it if possible.
Katherine is doing great. She is eating a lot, but she usually gives us 3-4 hours between feedings. We have to supplement her feeding with formula, as the wife is constantly pumping breast milk, as we try to get as much as possible to Jocelyn. I think the wife is starting to feel a bit like a cow.
Jocelyn is doing better. All drugs, IV's etc are out of her. She is still feeding through a tube and the plan is to wean her off of that. It must be done slowly, to ensure she still gains weight and can feed normally when we get her home. We hope to have her home in 1-2 weeks.
On the other aspect, we still do not know what is wrong. They are suggesting her brain development was not normal, based on an MRI. However, they cannot (or will not) speculate on what that means for her development. My understanding is that most of the time they cannot tell, and must monitor the child's development and base any predictions on that.
So, it seems unlikely that we will get any definitive answers. We will be taking her in for scans at regular intervals for probably the next 5 years, and maybe to special development training. Not much more to say on this subject. It could be nothing; she might be similar to her sister as she develops. Or not. And we may not know until it happens.
That said, she has undergone some tests that are grounds for hope. Her hearing and eyesight tests are normal. She was very alert the other day when I visited her and she seemed to look and respond to my face and voice. I also heard her cry to the first time, although it was a weak and half-assed attempt. Nothing like her sister's.
I want to thank all the readers of this blog for their positive comments and prayers. It means a lot to us that there are people thinking and praying for our daughter.
Mom still has some pain for the C section. It takes about 6 weeks to fully recover. You hear about women who prefer a C section, as it is more "convenient", more civilized and less painful. I do not see how anyone would choose a C section over natural childbirth. It is major surgery, one of the few that they have to cut you open for. I recommend avoiding it if possible.
Katherine is doing great. She is eating a lot, but she usually gives us 3-4 hours between feedings. We have to supplement her feeding with formula, as the wife is constantly pumping breast milk, as we try to get as much as possible to Jocelyn. I think the wife is starting to feel a bit like a cow.
Jocelyn is doing better. All drugs, IV's etc are out of her. She is still feeding through a tube and the plan is to wean her off of that. It must be done slowly, to ensure she still gains weight and can feed normally when we get her home. We hope to have her home in 1-2 weeks.
On the other aspect, we still do not know what is wrong. They are suggesting her brain development was not normal, based on an MRI. However, they cannot (or will not) speculate on what that means for her development. My understanding is that most of the time they cannot tell, and must monitor the child's development and base any predictions on that.
So, it seems unlikely that we will get any definitive answers. We will be taking her in for scans at regular intervals for probably the next 5 years, and maybe to special development training. Not much more to say on this subject. It could be nothing; she might be similar to her sister as she develops. Or not. And we may not know until it happens.
That said, she has undergone some tests that are grounds for hope. Her hearing and eyesight tests are normal. She was very alert the other day when I visited her and she seemed to look and respond to my face and voice. I also heard her cry to the first time, although it was a weak and half-assed attempt. Nothing like her sister's.
I want to thank all the readers of this blog for their positive comments and prayers. It means a lot to us that there are people thinking and praying for our daughter.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Climb Aboard Space Mountain
The last few days have been a bit of a roller coaster ride.
On Thursday, Jocelyn was transferred back to be with her sister and mom, and she appeared to be doing better. Unfortunately, during the night she had a number of seizures, requiring drugs to stop her from shaking and eventually necessitating her transfer back to the Royal Alex. This increases the risk that she may have some sort of brain damage.
Needless to say, I am a bit concerned. I am not sure what is going on long term, but I plan to discuss it with the docs. Her regular doc is not on this weekend, so I may have to wait until Tuesday to get some real answers.
On a more positive note, mom and Katherine should be coming home today. They are both doing really well and I should be happy about that. However, I cannot help but think of my other daughter, stuck in the hospital, attached to a bunch of tubes.
I am not very religious, but I have been praying.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Time to Buy a Shotgun
It's a Girls!
Jocelyn (4 pounds 13) and Katherine (5 pounds 3) were born yesterday at approximately 5:30 pm.
Mother and Katherine are doing fine. Unfortunately, Jocelyn had some respiratory distress, and had to be worked on. She is doing very well right now, but is breathing through a tube and has various lines and pipes going into her. Last night she was transferred to the Royal Alex, which can provide a better level of care. She seems to be doing well and, although not out of the woods yet, she is in great shape and provided things progress as expected, she might be able to come home within a week.
I am hoping she will show some improvement in the morning and we will have a better picture of what is going on.
Jocelyn (4 pounds 13) and Katherine (5 pounds 3) were born yesterday at approximately 5:30 pm.
Mother and Katherine are doing fine. Unfortunately, Jocelyn had some respiratory distress, and had to be worked on. She is doing very well right now, but is breathing through a tube and has various lines and pipes going into her. Last night she was transferred to the Royal Alex, which can provide a better level of care. She seems to be doing well and, although not out of the woods yet, she is in great shape and provided things progress as expected, she might be able to come home within a week.
I am hoping she will show some improvement in the morning and we will have a better picture of what is going on.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Ollie Ollie Oxen Free
Still no babies.
Last week the doc said she was surprised that the wife was still pregnant. This week she was even more surprised. The doc will be gone on holiday for a week, so (Murphy's Law) the babies should be born in the next week. However, she jinxed it by saying she would be really surprised if the wife was still pregnant by the time she got back.
This is what I have been reduced to: Superstition.
I don't believe in that crap, but logic dictates these babies should be born by now. We are starting 38 weeks and 37 is term for twins. Everyone we know has had twins early, usually before 37 weeks.
Nothing to worry about, as they are perfectly healthy. No problems and the wife is doing fine. Better than fine, in fact. She has had no problems, even the usual ones such as high blood pressure. The doc is in no hurry to get them out, as inducing increases the risk of a C section. If we induced and had to get a C, we would always be wondering, "If we had just waited 6 more hours, they might have come out themselves."
So, I guess we should just enjoy the last few days of couplehood. Last night we went to dinner and saw a movie, thinking it might be the last time for a number of years.
Nothing to do but wait. If they are still in at 40 weeks, then I will begin to worry.
One good thing, the old wives tale says that if they are late, they are boys. Good for me, as I fear dealing with identical twin teenage girls.
Superstition. See what I have been reduced to.
Last week the doc said she was surprised that the wife was still pregnant. This week she was even more surprised. The doc will be gone on holiday for a week, so (Murphy's Law) the babies should be born in the next week. However, she jinxed it by saying she would be really surprised if the wife was still pregnant by the time she got back.
This is what I have been reduced to: Superstition.
I don't believe in that crap, but logic dictates these babies should be born by now. We are starting 38 weeks and 37 is term for twins. Everyone we know has had twins early, usually before 37 weeks.
Nothing to worry about, as they are perfectly healthy. No problems and the wife is doing fine. Better than fine, in fact. She has had no problems, even the usual ones such as high blood pressure. The doc is in no hurry to get them out, as inducing increases the risk of a C section. If we induced and had to get a C, we would always be wondering, "If we had just waited 6 more hours, they might have come out themselves."
So, I guess we should just enjoy the last few days of couplehood. Last night we went to dinner and saw a movie, thinking it might be the last time for a number of years.
Nothing to do but wait. If they are still in at 40 weeks, then I will begin to worry.
One good thing, the old wives tale says that if they are late, they are boys. Good for me, as I fear dealing with identical twin teenage girls.
Superstition. See what I have been reduced to.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
T minus 10...9...8
I am thinking about live blogging the births.
OK, maybe not live blogging it. After all, this is Canada and with our second rate medical system, wireless internet linked up in all the operating rooms is not set up yet. However, I will jot down (that is so 20th century) the key events and post them up as soon as possible.
As for an update, she had another appointment with the doc on Wednesday. The doc was surprised she showed up, saying "I didn't expect you to still be pregnant." I guess that means we should expect them anytime. Here I am thinking we still have some time. Why is it that doctors cannot be direct. They think we know as much as them about the medical field. Just like when she told us they were identical. The comment about them "most likely" being identical was made as casually as you might ask someone to turn on a light. She may have known for a few weeks but it would be nice to get more than 3 seconds to come to terms with it before she moves on the the next thing.
Today's big job is setting up all the baby furniture. The room is still not finished, as we are waiting for an alphabet border to come in so I can put it up. However, based several factors, I think it is going to be this week. Comments by the doc (above), the fact that she is already slightly dialated, and her comments that the first one seems to have already dropped lower make me think it might be anytime. The breech one is moving a lot more than usual. The Wife thinks he/she is trying to get into position.
I am betting on Tuesday, but we will see what happens.
We still have not discussed names.
OK, maybe not live blogging it. After all, this is Canada and with our second rate medical system, wireless internet linked up in all the operating rooms is not set up yet. However, I will jot down (that is so 20th century) the key events and post them up as soon as possible.
As for an update, she had another appointment with the doc on Wednesday. The doc was surprised she showed up, saying "I didn't expect you to still be pregnant." I guess that means we should expect them anytime. Here I am thinking we still have some time. Why is it that doctors cannot be direct. They think we know as much as them about the medical field. Just like when she told us they were identical. The comment about them "most likely" being identical was made as casually as you might ask someone to turn on a light. She may have known for a few weeks but it would be nice to get more than 3 seconds to come to terms with it before she moves on the the next thing.
Today's big job is setting up all the baby furniture. The room is still not finished, as we are waiting for an alphabet border to come in so I can put it up. However, based several factors, I think it is going to be this week. Comments by the doc (above), the fact that she is already slightly dialated, and her comments that the first one seems to have already dropped lower make me think it might be anytime. The breech one is moving a lot more than usual. The Wife thinks he/she is trying to get into position.
I am betting on Tuesday, but we will see what happens.
We still have not discussed names.
Friday, August 18, 2006
MCpl Arndt, RIP
I always find funerals difficult.
I went to the funeral of Master Corporal Arndt this week, in Edson, Alberta. It was held in the Legion in town and it was packed. We limited the military attendance, as we did not want to take up all the space and there will be a military memorial next week. I thought there would be about 400 people attending. The news put it at one thousand. I think they were right. The place was standing room only.
I am always of two minds at military funerals. On one hand, we all accept the risk when we join up that we may lose our life. Ray knew the risk and accepted it.
However, to sit there and hear how a person touched the lives of his friends and family, and to think that they will never feel the positive impact of that person makes me very sad. Death is difficult to accept, but especially so with someone who should have had so much time left.
I think one cannot really understand the sacrifice and pain on the family unless it happens to you.
Whether or not you agree with the sacrifice, I hope all Canadians can appreciate it.
I went to the funeral of Master Corporal Arndt this week, in Edson, Alberta. It was held in the Legion in town and it was packed. We limited the military attendance, as we did not want to take up all the space and there will be a military memorial next week. I thought there would be about 400 people attending. The news put it at one thousand. I think they were right. The place was standing room only.
I am always of two minds at military funerals. On one hand, we all accept the risk when we join up that we may lose our life. Ray knew the risk and accepted it.
However, to sit there and hear how a person touched the lives of his friends and family, and to think that they will never feel the positive impact of that person makes me very sad. Death is difficult to accept, but especially so with someone who should have had so much time left.
I think one cannot really understand the sacrifice and pain on the family unless it happens to you.
Whether or not you agree with the sacrifice, I hope all Canadians can appreciate it.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
How do you solve a problem like Jehovah?
We are having a little problem.
Jehovah's Witnesses have been visiting our house. Every Saturday, between 10 and 11 am, they show up without fail.
We live in a secluded area. Our house in hidden by 300m of trees. Our house coud be blown up and you could not tell from the main road.
Due to our seclusion, my first instinct when I hear a car coming up the driveway is to meet whomever it is with a shotgun in hand. We haven't got a dog yet (not sure if I want to deal with twins and a dog at the same time), but once we do, I will feel a bit more comfortable.
Don't get me wrong, we live in a nice area and have never had a break in or heard of one in the area. However, on 2 occasions, a car has driven up to the house, turned around and left. Both times I was not fast enough to confront them, but only caught a glimpse as they left.
I am a nice guy, so I do not want to be rude to the Jehovahs. They are really nice people and are very earnest in their beliefs. However, I already have one religion I am not practicing, and if I felt a need for religion, I would become a more active Catholic and not convert.
I like to argue and explore new ideas, and I actually enjoy hearing their view of the world. However, I am afriad I am being a tease. If you engage these people, they will keep coming back. I do not want to lead them on, thinking I am serious about a religion I consider to be just this side of a cult.
Last week the wife and I hid from them. I dislike people coming to my home uninvited to sell me something. This week, they saw me watching tv, so I answered the door. A man should not be a prisoner in his own home.
I enjoy my weekend, I do not want each one interupted by someone trying to sell me something. We left the city to get more privacy.
The wife has some relatives that are Jehovahs, so we are pretty sure it is not for us.
The question is, how do we let them know that they are wasting their time without being rude?
Jehovah's Witnesses have been visiting our house. Every Saturday, between 10 and 11 am, they show up without fail.
We live in a secluded area. Our house in hidden by 300m of trees. Our house coud be blown up and you could not tell from the main road.
Due to our seclusion, my first instinct when I hear a car coming up the driveway is to meet whomever it is with a shotgun in hand. We haven't got a dog yet (not sure if I want to deal with twins and a dog at the same time), but once we do, I will feel a bit more comfortable.
Don't get me wrong, we live in a nice area and have never had a break in or heard of one in the area. However, on 2 occasions, a car has driven up to the house, turned around and left. Both times I was not fast enough to confront them, but only caught a glimpse as they left.
I am a nice guy, so I do not want to be rude to the Jehovahs. They are really nice people and are very earnest in their beliefs. However, I already have one religion I am not practicing, and if I felt a need for religion, I would become a more active Catholic and not convert.
I like to argue and explore new ideas, and I actually enjoy hearing their view of the world. However, I am afriad I am being a tease. If you engage these people, they will keep coming back. I do not want to lead them on, thinking I am serious about a religion I consider to be just this side of a cult.
Last week the wife and I hid from them. I dislike people coming to my home uninvited to sell me something. This week, they saw me watching tv, so I answered the door. A man should not be a prisoner in his own home.
I enjoy my weekend, I do not want each one interupted by someone trying to sell me something. We left the city to get more privacy.
The wife has some relatives that are Jehovahs, so we are pretty sure it is not for us.
The question is, how do we let them know that they are wasting their time without being rude?
Saturday, August 05, 2006
One View From the Front (part 2)
Part 1 is here
Day three was uneventful for C Coy. and we prepared to go back to our FOB. Which would have been good because I had come down with a cold… not what I needed in combat (umm, I mean state of armed conflict!) Unfortunately that was not to be. A British Company from 3 Para had been isolated and surrounded by Taliban in the Helmand Province in the Sangin District Center. They were running out of food and were down to boiling river water. They had tried to air drop supplies but they ended up landing in a Taliban stronghold (thank you air force). C Coy. was tasked to conduct an immediate emergency resupply with our LAVs. We headed off to what can only be described as the Wild West. The Company (B Coy) of the Paras that was holding the District Center had lost four soldiers there and was being attacked 3 to 5 times a day. We rolled in there after a long and painful road move across the desert. When we arrived in Sangin the locals began throwing rocks and anything they could at us, this was not a friendly place. We pushed into the District Center, and during the last few hundred meters we began receiving mortar fire. They never taught me on my LAV Crew Commander course how to command a vehicle with all the hatches closed using periscopes in an urban environment. I truly did it by sense of touch, meaning as we hit the wall to the left I would tell the driver to turn a little right!! We resupplied the Brits and unfortunately it turned dark and we couldn’t get out of there, so we had to spend the night. We were attacked with small arms RPGs and mortars three times that night, I still can’t believe that the Brits have spent over a month living there under those conditions. They are a proud unit and they were grateful but embarrassed that we had to come save the day. And as good Canadians we didn’t let them hear the end of being rescued by a bunch of colonials!!
We left Sangin again thinking we were headed home. We made it about 40km before we were called back to reinforce the District Center and help secure a helicopter landing site. As we sat there we received orders that we were now cut to the control of 3 Para for their upcoming operation north of Sangin. This was turning out to be the longest three day operation ever!!! Enroute we were engaged by an 82mm mortar from across a valley. I engaged them with our artillery, it felt a lot more like shooting in Shilo as they were 2.8km away as opposed to the 100m or less my previous engagements had been. We went round for round with them in what Rob, the Troop Commander firing the guns for us, called an indirect fire duel. In the end he said the score was Andrew 1 Taliban O and there is no worry of that mortar ever firing again. We rode all through the night (with my LAV on a flat tire) and arrived right as the Paras Air Assaulted onto the objective with Chinook helicopters. There were helicopters everywhere. It was a hot landing zone and they took intense fire until we arrived with LAVs, and the enemy ran away. It was a different operation as we were used to a lot more intimate support tanks to shoot the Paras in. It was impressive to watch them though, they are unbelievable soldiers.
We left the operation about 25 hours later (still3 going on no sleep) and thought that for sure we were now done this “three day op”. But as we were withdrawing to secure the landing zone for the Brits (under fire from 107mm rockets and 82mm mortars) we received Frag orders to conduct a sensitive sight exploitation where the Division had just dropped two 1000lbs bombs. Good old C Coy. leading the charge again!
We drove to the sight and saw nothing but women and children fleeing the town. I thought, “here we go again.” Luckily this time I found a good position for observation with my LAV and did not have to go in on the attack. The Company quickly came under attack from what was later estimated as 100+ fighters. For about 15 minutes we lost communications with the Company Commander and a whole Section of infantry as they were basically overrun. The Section had last been seen going into a ditch that was subsequently hit with a volley of about 15 RPGs; I thought we had lost them all. I had Brit Apaches check in and they did an absolutely brilliant job at repelling the enemy. The only problem was I couldn’t understand a word the pilot was saying because of his accent! Luckily I had the Brit Liaison Officer riding in the back of my LAV. I ended up using him (a Major) as a very highly paid interpreter to help me out. After about an hour long fight the Company broke contact (but lived up to the nickname the soldiers had given us, “Contact C”) and we leveled several compounds with artillery. Somehow we escaped without a scratch, truly amazing.
We were again ordered back to the Sangin District Center with 3 Para and spent the next few days fighting with the Paras. For four days I did not get a chance to take off my Frag vest, helmet or change my socks, etc. We were attacked 2-3 times a day, and always repelled them decisively. I also discovered during this period that exchanging rations with the Brits is a really bad idea. Not only were they stuck in this miserable place but their food was absolutely horrible!
After saying our good byes to our Brit comrades (the enemy learnt their lesson and finally stopped attacking the place), we again prepared to go back home. Alas, it was not to be again. We were ordered South to take back to towns that the Taliban had just taken. Luckily this time after 11 straight days in contact, C Coy. was the Battle Group reserve. We headed to the British Provincial Reconstruction team (PRT). We rolled into the town to the strangest arrival yet. This was coalition country. The locals (unlike Kandahar and even more so in Sangin) were excited and happy to see us. We had kids offering us candy and water instead of begging. There were no Burkhas. The women were in colorful gowns with their faces exposed. The town was booming with shops everywhere and industry flourishing. We went to the PRT and it didn’t even seem real. I took off my helmet, Flak vest and I had a shower and changed my clothes for the first time in two weeks. I ate a huge fresh meal (until my stomach hurt), and then went and sat on the edge of a water fountain in garden and watched a beach volleyball game between the Brits and Estonians. I laughed as I had supper and watched the BBC (British Broadcasting Company) which was reporting that we had taken back the towns, but H Hour was still 2 hours away, so much for the element of surprise. After what we had been through it was hard to believe this place was in the same country. I slept that night (still on the ground beside my LAV because they did not have enough rooms) better than I think I have before in my life. The next couple of days were quiet for us as they did not need to commit us as the reserve. On day 14 of our 3 day op we conducted the 10 hour road move back to KAF, literally limping back as our cars were so beat up (mine was in the best shape in the entire Company and we had a broken differential … again).
Things look like they will be quieter for us now, and I will be home soon. Sad news from the home front, our little Yorkie, Howitzer, was in an accident the other day and didn’t make it. It won’t be the same going home without him, he truly was one of our kids (furkids!). We had three great years with him though and my only regret is that I wasn’t there to comfort Julianne who has been through so much lately. But she has some great friends there who have looked after her. To those of you who have been with her through this and the events of the last few months, I am forever indebted to you.
There are more stories I could tell of these last two weeks but this email has become long enough as it is and if I did that I would have no war stories (I mean state of armed conflict stories) to tell you when I get home. I will end by saying that I have truly enjoyed this experience. Combat is the ultimate test of an officer, and on several occasions I did things that I didn’t know I was capable of. I am so proud of my crew and the entire Company Group, we soldiered hard and long and showed the enemy that messing with Canadians is a really bad idea. We accomplished something in the last two weeks that Canadian soldiers have not done since Korea. The Afghan Government, elected by the Afghans, requested our assistance and we were able to help. We were the equal, if not superior of our allies in everything we did. I hope that I gave you all an appreciation of what these young brave men and women are doing over here, and even if the media can’t find the time or effort to report what we are doing and the difference we are making, hopefully you can pass it on. I will see all of you real soon. I hope all is well with all of you, and please keep the emails coming, I read every one and enjoy hearing from you, even if I cannot respond individually.
Take Care
Andrew
Day three was uneventful for C Coy. and we prepared to go back to our FOB. Which would have been good because I had come down with a cold… not what I needed in combat (umm, I mean state of armed conflict!) Unfortunately that was not to be. A British Company from 3 Para had been isolated and surrounded by Taliban in the Helmand Province in the Sangin District Center. They were running out of food and were down to boiling river water. They had tried to air drop supplies but they ended up landing in a Taliban stronghold (thank you air force). C Coy. was tasked to conduct an immediate emergency resupply with our LAVs. We headed off to what can only be described as the Wild West. The Company (B Coy) of the Paras that was holding the District Center had lost four soldiers there and was being attacked 3 to 5 times a day. We rolled in there after a long and painful road move across the desert. When we arrived in Sangin the locals began throwing rocks and anything they could at us, this was not a friendly place. We pushed into the District Center, and during the last few hundred meters we began receiving mortar fire. They never taught me on my LAV Crew Commander course how to command a vehicle with all the hatches closed using periscopes in an urban environment. I truly did it by sense of touch, meaning as we hit the wall to the left I would tell the driver to turn a little right!! We resupplied the Brits and unfortunately it turned dark and we couldn’t get out of there, so we had to spend the night. We were attacked with small arms RPGs and mortars three times that night, I still can’t believe that the Brits have spent over a month living there under those conditions. They are a proud unit and they were grateful but embarrassed that we had to come save the day. And as good Canadians we didn’t let them hear the end of being rescued by a bunch of colonials!!
We left Sangin again thinking we were headed home. We made it about 40km before we were called back to reinforce the District Center and help secure a helicopter landing site. As we sat there we received orders that we were now cut to the control of 3 Para for their upcoming operation north of Sangin. This was turning out to be the longest three day operation ever!!! Enroute we were engaged by an 82mm mortar from across a valley. I engaged them with our artillery, it felt a lot more like shooting in Shilo as they were 2.8km away as opposed to the 100m or less my previous engagements had been. We went round for round with them in what Rob, the Troop Commander firing the guns for us, called an indirect fire duel. In the end he said the score was Andrew 1 Taliban O and there is no worry of that mortar ever firing again. We rode all through the night (with my LAV on a flat tire) and arrived right as the Paras Air Assaulted onto the objective with Chinook helicopters. There were helicopters everywhere. It was a hot landing zone and they took intense fire until we arrived with LAVs, and the enemy ran away. It was a different operation as we were used to a lot more intimate support tanks to shoot the Paras in. It was impressive to watch them though, they are unbelievable soldiers.
We left the operation about 25 hours later (still3 going on no sleep) and thought that for sure we were now done this “three day op”. But as we were withdrawing to secure the landing zone for the Brits (under fire from 107mm rockets and 82mm mortars) we received Frag orders to conduct a sensitive sight exploitation where the Division had just dropped two 1000lbs bombs. Good old C Coy. leading the charge again!
We drove to the sight and saw nothing but women and children fleeing the town. I thought, “here we go again.” Luckily this time I found a good position for observation with my LAV and did not have to go in on the attack. The Company quickly came under attack from what was later estimated as 100+ fighters. For about 15 minutes we lost communications with the Company Commander and a whole Section of infantry as they were basically overrun. The Section had last been seen going into a ditch that was subsequently hit with a volley of about 15 RPGs; I thought we had lost them all. I had Brit Apaches check in and they did an absolutely brilliant job at repelling the enemy. The only problem was I couldn’t understand a word the pilot was saying because of his accent! Luckily I had the Brit Liaison Officer riding in the back of my LAV. I ended up using him (a Major) as a very highly paid interpreter to help me out. After about an hour long fight the Company broke contact (but lived up to the nickname the soldiers had given us, “Contact C”) and we leveled several compounds with artillery. Somehow we escaped without a scratch, truly amazing.
We were again ordered back to the Sangin District Center with 3 Para and spent the next few days fighting with the Paras. For four days I did not get a chance to take off my Frag vest, helmet or change my socks, etc. We were attacked 2-3 times a day, and always repelled them decisively. I also discovered during this period that exchanging rations with the Brits is a really bad idea. Not only were they stuck in this miserable place but their food was absolutely horrible!
After saying our good byes to our Brit comrades (the enemy learnt their lesson and finally stopped attacking the place), we again prepared to go back home. Alas, it was not to be again. We were ordered South to take back to towns that the Taliban had just taken. Luckily this time after 11 straight days in contact, C Coy. was the Battle Group reserve. We headed to the British Provincial Reconstruction team (PRT). We rolled into the town to the strangest arrival yet. This was coalition country. The locals (unlike Kandahar and even more so in Sangin) were excited and happy to see us. We had kids offering us candy and water instead of begging. There were no Burkhas. The women were in colorful gowns with their faces exposed. The town was booming with shops everywhere and industry flourishing. We went to the PRT and it didn’t even seem real. I took off my helmet, Flak vest and I had a shower and changed my clothes for the first time in two weeks. I ate a huge fresh meal (until my stomach hurt), and then went and sat on the edge of a water fountain in garden and watched a beach volleyball game between the Brits and Estonians. I laughed as I had supper and watched the BBC (British Broadcasting Company) which was reporting that we had taken back the towns, but H Hour was still 2 hours away, so much for the element of surprise. After what we had been through it was hard to believe this place was in the same country. I slept that night (still on the ground beside my LAV because they did not have enough rooms) better than I think I have before in my life. The next couple of days were quiet for us as they did not need to commit us as the reserve. On day 14 of our 3 day op we conducted the 10 hour road move back to KAF, literally limping back as our cars were so beat up (mine was in the best shape in the entire Company and we had a broken differential … again).
Things look like they will be quieter for us now, and I will be home soon. Sad news from the home front, our little Yorkie, Howitzer, was in an accident the other day and didn’t make it. It won’t be the same going home without him, he truly was one of our kids (furkids!). We had three great years with him though and my only regret is that I wasn’t there to comfort Julianne who has been through so much lately. But she has some great friends there who have looked after her. To those of you who have been with her through this and the events of the last few months, I am forever indebted to you.
There are more stories I could tell of these last two weeks but this email has become long enough as it is and if I did that I would have no war stories (I mean state of armed conflict stories) to tell you when I get home. I will end by saying that I have truly enjoyed this experience. Combat is the ultimate test of an officer, and on several occasions I did things that I didn’t know I was capable of. I am so proud of my crew and the entire Company Group, we soldiered hard and long and showed the enemy that messing with Canadians is a really bad idea. We accomplished something in the last two weeks that Canadian soldiers have not done since Korea. The Afghan Government, elected by the Afghans, requested our assistance and we were able to help. We were the equal, if not superior of our allies in everything we did. I hope that I gave you all an appreciation of what these young brave men and women are doing over here, and even if the media can’t find the time or effort to report what we are doing and the difference we are making, hopefully you can pass it on. I will see all of you real soon. I hope all is well with all of you, and please keep the emails coming, I read every one and enjoy hearing from you, even if I cannot respond individually.
Take Care
Andrew
One View From the Front
The following is a email making the rounds in the military community. It was sent by a guy serving in Afstan. I have no reason to think it is not true. I do not know the person who sent it and I post it with the implied permission granted at the end of the email.
Update: I am now certain that this email is authentic.
I have split the email into 2 parts
Part 1
BATTLE OF PANJAWAI AND BEYOND
Hey everybody! First off I apologize for the length of this email, as it contains two weeks worth of Afghanistan fun. I am doing well and brutally honest I have enjoyed this last couple of weeks. Seven years of training culminating in 14 action packed days. At first I wasn’t going to write a lot of detail about what happened, because some people might find it upsetting. However, when I got back to Kandahar Air Field (KAF) and read the deplorable media coverage that the largest operation Canadians have been involved in since Korea, I really felt I had to write it all down, to give you all (and hopefully everyone you talk to back in Canada) an appreciation for what we are really doing here in this “state of armed conflict” (lawyers say we can’t use the word “war”, I don’t know what the difference is except for it being far more politically correct.)
We received word while down at our Forward Operating Base (FOB) that we were going to be part of a full out three day (HA HA) Battle Group operation. This was going to be the largest operation Canada had undertaken since the Korean War. When we arrived back in KAF for orders we found out that we were rolling for Pashmul in the Panjawai District of Kandahar province. That was hard for my crew to hear, as that was the same town where Nichola had died and where Bombadier Chris Gauthier (a signaler in the party before I arrived) had been injured in an ambush. Participating in this attack were A, B and C Company (Coy.) Groups, both troops of artillery from A Battery, an Engineer squadron, two Companies of Afghan National Army (plus all of their attached American Embedded Training Teams – ETT), as well as a huge lineup of American and British Fixed and Rotary wing aircraft. Additionally, we had elements of the 2/87 US Infantry and 3 Para from the UK conducting blocks to prevent the enemy from escaping. From an Artillery perspective beyond the two gun troops (each equipped with 2 x155mm Howitzers and 4 x 81mm mortars) we had three Forward Observation Officers (FOO) and their parties as well as the Battery Commander and his party going in on the attack.
On the night of the 7th around 2200 hrs local C Company Group (with yours truly attached as their FOO) rolled for Pashmul. As we arrived closer to the objective area we saw the women and children pouring out of the town… not a good sign. We pushed on and about 3 km from our intended Line of Departure to start the operation we were ambushed by Taliban fighters. At around 0030hrs I had my head out of the turret crew commanding my LAV with my night vision monocular on. Two RPG rounds thundered into the ground about 75m from my LAV. For about half a second I stared at them and thought, “huh, so that’s what an RPG looks like.” The sound of AK 7.62mm fire cracking all around the convoy snapped me back to reality and I quickly got down in the turret and we immediately began scanning for the enemy. They were on both sides of us adding to the “fog of war”. We eventually figured out where all of our friendlies were, and where to begin engaging. We let off about 20 rounds of Frangible 25mm from our cannon at guys about a 100m away before we got a major jam in our link ejection chute. We went to our 7.62 coax machine gun, and fired one round before it too jammed!! Boy was I pissed off. I went to jump up on the pintol mounted machine gun, but as I stuck my head out of the LAV I realized the bad guys were still shooting at us and that the Canadian Engineers were firing High Explosive Incendiary 25mm rounds from their cannon right over our front deck. I quickly popped back down realizing that was probably one of the stupider ideas I have ever had in my life J Eventually after much cursing and beating the crap out of the link ejection chute with any blunt instrument we could find in the turret, we were back in the game. The first Troops in Contact (TIC) lasted about two hours. The radio nets were busier than I had ever heard before and we realized that A and B Coys. as well as Reconnaissance Platoon had all been hit simultaneously, showing a degree of coordination not seen before in Afghanistan. The feeling amongst the Company was that was probably it, as the enemy usually just conducted hit and run attacks. Boy, were we wrong! We continued to roll towards our Line of Departure and not five minutes later as we rolled around a corner, I saw B Coy. on our left flank get hit with a volley of about 20 RPGs all bursting in the air over the LAVs. It was an unreal scene to describe. There was no doubt now that we were in a big fight.
We pushed into the town following the Company Commander behind the lead Platoon. This was not LAV friendly country. The entire area was covered in Grape fields, which due to the way they grow them are not passable to LAVs, and acres of Marijuana fields which due to irrigation caused the LAVs to get stuck. The streets were lined with mud compounds and mud walls just barely wide enough to get our cars through. After traveling about 300m our lead platoon came under attack from a grape drying hut in the middle of what can only be described as an urban built up area. The Company Commander then issued a quick set of frag orders and I was about to participate in my first ever Company attack. He signaled for me to dismount and follow him. It was an uncomfortable feeling dismounting from the turret, as the only way out is through the top of the turret. I was standing probably 15 feet high in the air with friendly and hostile rounds snapping and cracking in the air everywhere. Needless to say I got down quick. I went to the back of my LAV and banged on the door to signal we were dismounting. As the Master Bombardier opened the door he went pale as we were only 20m from where they had previously been ambushed and where Nich had died. Regardless, we soldiered on. We grabbed our radios and followed the Company Commander. We went into a compound that was actually the same one Howie Nelson had dropped a 1,000lb bomb on after the attack in May. We went up to a second story ledge on a mud wall, and the Company Commander pointed out a compound and said “can you hit that?” I lased the building and found out it was only 89m away. Back in Canada we never bring Artillery in much closer than a 1000m, so you can imagine what I was thinking. I sat down and did the math (those of you who know my mathematical skills are probably cringing right now!). I looked at him and said that in theory and mathematically we would be okay where we were, but I made him move one of the other Platoons back 150m. A funny story as I was doing the math, an American ETT Captain working with the ANA looked down at me and said “There are no ANA forward of us” I responded “Roger”, to which he said “good” fired three rounds and said “Got him”. I then realized that he had asked me a question and had not stated a fact (for some reason everyone seems to think that the FOO magically knows where all the friendlies are). Through all the gunfire I had missed the infliction in his voice. I looked at him and said, “Hey, I have no idea where your ANA are, you’re supposed to look after them!” Luckily it wasn’t a friendly he had shot at.
We started the Fire Mission with the first round landing about 350m from my position. The noise of Artillery whistling that close and exploding was almost deafening, the FOO course sure hadn’t prepared me for this! Master Bombardier and I debated the correction for a second and eventually agreed upon a Drop 200m, mostly because we needed to get rounds on that compound ASAP as we were taking heavy fire. The round came in and landed a bit left of the compound. We lased the impact and found out it was 105m from us. We gave a small correction and went into Fire For Effect with 50% Ground Burst and 50% Air Burst. The rounds came in 85m from us, right on the compound. Truly I did not appreciate the sheer frightening and awe-inspiring nature of proximity (the air burst rounds). I then had the worst moment of my military career as one of the Sections began shouting “Check Fire, Check Fire!” on the net, followed quickly by their Platoon Commander saying they had casualties and to prepare for a 9 Line (air medical evacuation request). It turned out the two events were unrelated but for a while I thought I had injured or even worse killed a Canadian. In actuality the Section that called Check Firing was actually the furthest of anyone in the Company from the shells and had panicked (which led to a lot of ribbing and jokes from their buddies afterwards who had all been closer). The 9 Line was for an ANA soldier who had been struck 5 minutes before. However unfortunate, I was definitely relieved to here all that.
Day one carried on with several more small skirmishes and me moving from compound to compound to set up Observation Posts (OPs), from which I could support the Company’s movement. I never thought that in my career I would literally be kicking in doors and leading a three man stack, clearing room after room to get to my OPs.
We ended the day, which had seen us in contact for 12 straight hours, by sleeping beside our vehicle in full battle rattle for about an hour with sand fleas biting us. They are the single most ignorant and annoying bug ever. The next morning started off with what seemed like a benign task. We were to clear the grape fields to the south of our objective area. Intelligence said there was nobody there and this would only take us a couple of hours. About an hour into the clearing operation we came under contact from a heavily fortified compound. Unfortunately we had a young fellow killed early in the engagement when the infantry tried to storm the compound. They met fierce resistance, far greater than expected. (I didn’t know the young soldier personally, but do recall thinking how fearless he was a week earlier when I saw him running around the Brit compound with a Portuguese flag right after England had lost in the World Cup. I was impressed by his peers and friends and how professionally they carried on after his death.) After the attempted storming of the compound, the Company Commander came to me and said “right, we tried that the old fashioned way, now I want you to level that compound.” As I was coming up with a plan for how I would do this, we had a call sign I had never heard before check in. It was Mobway 51. Ends up he was a Predator Unmanned Aerial Vehicle armed with a hellfire missile. I don’t know how he knew we needed help or what frequency we were using, and frankly I don’t care, he was a blessing. When the Company Commander asked me what the safety distance for a hellfire was I literally had to go to the reference manual I carry (J Fires Manual) because I had never seen one before and had no idea what it actually could do. I told him the safety distance was 100m. To which he asked how far we were from the compound – the laser said 82m. We debated the ballistic strength of the mud wall beside us and in the end he decided to risk it. Nothing like seeing an entire Company in the fetal position pressed up against a mud wall! The hellfire came in and it was the loudest thing I have ever heard. Three distinct noises: the missile firing, it coming over our heads and the boom. For about 30 seconds we couldn’t see anything but a cloud of dust. Then when the dust settled the Platoons started hooting and hollering. The compound barely even looked the same. (At this point our embedded journalist Christie Blanchford from the Globe and Mail had enough and left us, can’t blame her I guess.) The Company again tried to clear the compound but still met resistance. So we lobbed in 18 artillery shells 82m from us (even closer than the day before) and then brought in two Apache Attack Helicopters. On the second rocket attack (I actually have video of this) the pilot hit the target with his first rocket and the second one went long and landed just on the other side of the mud wall from us. It engulfed us in rocket exhaust, but thankfully no one was hurt. When the hellfire had gone off it had started a small building in the compound on fire and suddenly we started getting secondary explosions off of a weapons cache that was in it. Everything started exploding around us, and the two guys that had not listened to me to press up against the wall got hit with shrapnel, both in the legs. One was the Company Commander’s Signaler, a crazy Newf, who was cracking jokes even with shrapnel in his leg. The medic dealt with him and I went over to the American ETT Captain who was only a few feet from me and began doing first aid on him. He looked liked he was going into shock, until his American Sergeant came up behind me and said “Shit Sir, that’s barely worth wearing a Purple Heart for!” I was surprised how much first aid I actually remembered, and the only difficult part was trying to cut off his pant leg because American combats are designed not to tear, making them particularly difficult to cut! In the end we took the compound and captured a high level Taliban leader who was found by the infantry hiding in a sewage culvert, begging for the shelling to stop. As well, we found a major weapons cache, which the engineers took great delight in blowing up. Unfortunately the assault had cost us one killed, two wounded, a Section commander had blown his knee throwing a grenade and four guys had gone down to extreme heat exhaustion. We found out though that this was a Taliban and Al Qaeda hot bed and that they had been reinforced by Chechen and Tajik fighters (which I guess means we really got a chance to take on Al Qaeda and not just the Taliban).
Part 2 is here.
Update: I am now certain that this email is authentic.
I have split the email into 2 parts
Part 1
BATTLE OF PANJAWAI AND BEYOND
Hey everybody! First off I apologize for the length of this email, as it contains two weeks worth of Afghanistan fun. I am doing well and brutally honest I have enjoyed this last couple of weeks. Seven years of training culminating in 14 action packed days. At first I wasn’t going to write a lot of detail about what happened, because some people might find it upsetting. However, when I got back to Kandahar Air Field (KAF) and read the deplorable media coverage that the largest operation Canadians have been involved in since Korea, I really felt I had to write it all down, to give you all (and hopefully everyone you talk to back in Canada) an appreciation for what we are really doing here in this “state of armed conflict” (lawyers say we can’t use the word “war”, I don’t know what the difference is except for it being far more politically correct.)
We received word while down at our Forward Operating Base (FOB) that we were going to be part of a full out three day (HA HA) Battle Group operation. This was going to be the largest operation Canada had undertaken since the Korean War. When we arrived back in KAF for orders we found out that we were rolling for Pashmul in the Panjawai District of Kandahar province. That was hard for my crew to hear, as that was the same town where Nichola had died and where Bombadier Chris Gauthier (a signaler in the party before I arrived) had been injured in an ambush. Participating in this attack were A, B and C Company (Coy.) Groups, both troops of artillery from A Battery, an Engineer squadron, two Companies of Afghan National Army (plus all of their attached American Embedded Training Teams – ETT), as well as a huge lineup of American and British Fixed and Rotary wing aircraft. Additionally, we had elements of the 2/87 US Infantry and 3 Para from the UK conducting blocks to prevent the enemy from escaping. From an Artillery perspective beyond the two gun troops (each equipped with 2 x155mm Howitzers and 4 x 81mm mortars) we had three Forward Observation Officers (FOO) and their parties as well as the Battery Commander and his party going in on the attack.
On the night of the 7th around 2200 hrs local C Company Group (with yours truly attached as their FOO) rolled for Pashmul. As we arrived closer to the objective area we saw the women and children pouring out of the town… not a good sign. We pushed on and about 3 km from our intended Line of Departure to start the operation we were ambushed by Taliban fighters. At around 0030hrs I had my head out of the turret crew commanding my LAV with my night vision monocular on. Two RPG rounds thundered into the ground about 75m from my LAV. For about half a second I stared at them and thought, “huh, so that’s what an RPG looks like.” The sound of AK 7.62mm fire cracking all around the convoy snapped me back to reality and I quickly got down in the turret and we immediately began scanning for the enemy. They were on both sides of us adding to the “fog of war”. We eventually figured out where all of our friendlies were, and where to begin engaging. We let off about 20 rounds of Frangible 25mm from our cannon at guys about a 100m away before we got a major jam in our link ejection chute. We went to our 7.62 coax machine gun, and fired one round before it too jammed!! Boy was I pissed off. I went to jump up on the pintol mounted machine gun, but as I stuck my head out of the LAV I realized the bad guys were still shooting at us and that the Canadian Engineers were firing High Explosive Incendiary 25mm rounds from their cannon right over our front deck. I quickly popped back down realizing that was probably one of the stupider ideas I have ever had in my life J Eventually after much cursing and beating the crap out of the link ejection chute with any blunt instrument we could find in the turret, we were back in the game. The first Troops in Contact (TIC) lasted about two hours. The radio nets were busier than I had ever heard before and we realized that A and B Coys. as well as Reconnaissance Platoon had all been hit simultaneously, showing a degree of coordination not seen before in Afghanistan. The feeling amongst the Company was that was probably it, as the enemy usually just conducted hit and run attacks. Boy, were we wrong! We continued to roll towards our Line of Departure and not five minutes later as we rolled around a corner, I saw B Coy. on our left flank get hit with a volley of about 20 RPGs all bursting in the air over the LAVs. It was an unreal scene to describe. There was no doubt now that we were in a big fight.
We pushed into the town following the Company Commander behind the lead Platoon. This was not LAV friendly country. The entire area was covered in Grape fields, which due to the way they grow them are not passable to LAVs, and acres of Marijuana fields which due to irrigation caused the LAVs to get stuck. The streets were lined with mud compounds and mud walls just barely wide enough to get our cars through. After traveling about 300m our lead platoon came under attack from a grape drying hut in the middle of what can only be described as an urban built up area. The Company Commander then issued a quick set of frag orders and I was about to participate in my first ever Company attack. He signaled for me to dismount and follow him. It was an uncomfortable feeling dismounting from the turret, as the only way out is through the top of the turret. I was standing probably 15 feet high in the air with friendly and hostile rounds snapping and cracking in the air everywhere. Needless to say I got down quick. I went to the back of my LAV and banged on the door to signal we were dismounting. As the Master Bombardier opened the door he went pale as we were only 20m from where they had previously been ambushed and where Nich had died. Regardless, we soldiered on. We grabbed our radios and followed the Company Commander. We went into a compound that was actually the same one Howie Nelson had dropped a 1,000lb bomb on after the attack in May. We went up to a second story ledge on a mud wall, and the Company Commander pointed out a compound and said “can you hit that?” I lased the building and found out it was only 89m away. Back in Canada we never bring Artillery in much closer than a 1000m, so you can imagine what I was thinking. I sat down and did the math (those of you who know my mathematical skills are probably cringing right now!). I looked at him and said that in theory and mathematically we would be okay where we were, but I made him move one of the other Platoons back 150m. A funny story as I was doing the math, an American ETT Captain working with the ANA looked down at me and said “There are no ANA forward of us” I responded “Roger”, to which he said “good” fired three rounds and said “Got him”. I then realized that he had asked me a question and had not stated a fact (for some reason everyone seems to think that the FOO magically knows where all the friendlies are). Through all the gunfire I had missed the infliction in his voice. I looked at him and said, “Hey, I have no idea where your ANA are, you’re supposed to look after them!” Luckily it wasn’t a friendly he had shot at.
We started the Fire Mission with the first round landing about 350m from my position. The noise of Artillery whistling that close and exploding was almost deafening, the FOO course sure hadn’t prepared me for this! Master Bombardier and I debated the correction for a second and eventually agreed upon a Drop 200m, mostly because we needed to get rounds on that compound ASAP as we were taking heavy fire. The round came in and landed a bit left of the compound. We lased the impact and found out it was 105m from us. We gave a small correction and went into Fire For Effect with 50% Ground Burst and 50% Air Burst. The rounds came in 85m from us, right on the compound. Truly I did not appreciate the sheer frightening and awe-inspiring nature of proximity (the air burst rounds). I then had the worst moment of my military career as one of the Sections began shouting “Check Fire, Check Fire!” on the net, followed quickly by their Platoon Commander saying they had casualties and to prepare for a 9 Line (air medical evacuation request). It turned out the two events were unrelated but for a while I thought I had injured or even worse killed a Canadian. In actuality the Section that called Check Firing was actually the furthest of anyone in the Company from the shells and had panicked (which led to a lot of ribbing and jokes from their buddies afterwards who had all been closer). The 9 Line was for an ANA soldier who had been struck 5 minutes before. However unfortunate, I was definitely relieved to here all that.
Day one carried on with several more small skirmishes and me moving from compound to compound to set up Observation Posts (OPs), from which I could support the Company’s movement. I never thought that in my career I would literally be kicking in doors and leading a three man stack, clearing room after room to get to my OPs.
We ended the day, which had seen us in contact for 12 straight hours, by sleeping beside our vehicle in full battle rattle for about an hour with sand fleas biting us. They are the single most ignorant and annoying bug ever. The next morning started off with what seemed like a benign task. We were to clear the grape fields to the south of our objective area. Intelligence said there was nobody there and this would only take us a couple of hours. About an hour into the clearing operation we came under contact from a heavily fortified compound. Unfortunately we had a young fellow killed early in the engagement when the infantry tried to storm the compound. They met fierce resistance, far greater than expected. (I didn’t know the young soldier personally, but do recall thinking how fearless he was a week earlier when I saw him running around the Brit compound with a Portuguese flag right after England had lost in the World Cup. I was impressed by his peers and friends and how professionally they carried on after his death.) After the attempted storming of the compound, the Company Commander came to me and said “right, we tried that the old fashioned way, now I want you to level that compound.” As I was coming up with a plan for how I would do this, we had a call sign I had never heard before check in. It was Mobway 51. Ends up he was a Predator Unmanned Aerial Vehicle armed with a hellfire missile. I don’t know how he knew we needed help or what frequency we were using, and frankly I don’t care, he was a blessing. When the Company Commander asked me what the safety distance for a hellfire was I literally had to go to the reference manual I carry (J Fires Manual) because I had never seen one before and had no idea what it actually could do. I told him the safety distance was 100m. To which he asked how far we were from the compound – the laser said 82m. We debated the ballistic strength of the mud wall beside us and in the end he decided to risk it. Nothing like seeing an entire Company in the fetal position pressed up against a mud wall! The hellfire came in and it was the loudest thing I have ever heard. Three distinct noises: the missile firing, it coming over our heads and the boom. For about 30 seconds we couldn’t see anything but a cloud of dust. Then when the dust settled the Platoons started hooting and hollering. The compound barely even looked the same. (At this point our embedded journalist Christie Blanchford from the Globe and Mail had enough and left us, can’t blame her I guess.) The Company again tried to clear the compound but still met resistance. So we lobbed in 18 artillery shells 82m from us (even closer than the day before) and then brought in two Apache Attack Helicopters. On the second rocket attack (I actually have video of this) the pilot hit the target with his first rocket and the second one went long and landed just on the other side of the mud wall from us. It engulfed us in rocket exhaust, but thankfully no one was hurt. When the hellfire had gone off it had started a small building in the compound on fire and suddenly we started getting secondary explosions off of a weapons cache that was in it. Everything started exploding around us, and the two guys that had not listened to me to press up against the wall got hit with shrapnel, both in the legs. One was the Company Commander’s Signaler, a crazy Newf, who was cracking jokes even with shrapnel in his leg. The medic dealt with him and I went over to the American ETT Captain who was only a few feet from me and began doing first aid on him. He looked liked he was going into shock, until his American Sergeant came up behind me and said “Shit Sir, that’s barely worth wearing a Purple Heart for!” I was surprised how much first aid I actually remembered, and the only difficult part was trying to cut off his pant leg because American combats are designed not to tear, making them particularly difficult to cut! In the end we took the compound and captured a high level Taliban leader who was found by the infantry hiding in a sewage culvert, begging for the shelling to stop. As well, we found a major weapons cache, which the engineers took great delight in blowing up. Unfortunately the assault had cost us one killed, two wounded, a Section commander had blown his knee throwing a grenade and four guys had gone down to extreme heat exhaustion. We found out though that this was a Taliban and Al Qaeda hot bed and that they had been reinforced by Chechen and Tajik fighters (which I guess means we really got a chance to take on Al Qaeda and not just the Taliban).
Part 2 is here.
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